Sunday, October 2, 2011

what if

what if your ex is getting married? what kind of feeling you will have? i have this ex of mine is getting marry this November. At one point when i knew it, it didn't strike me that much and also the impact wasn't that hard. But as the month is coming closer, the feelings is starting to kicked in. She is like something that wouldn't contact me for months, then out of the blue she will call or sms me to ask me out. But never once she will call me out alone. 
However, she will ask me to fetch her out. I do not mind doing so, but each and every time i also felt weird aura from her. She will bring some junkies that i used to like to eat ( whereby when we were together, she always buy for me to eat) she will give me once she's inside my car. Then she will have the wide smile towards me which she gave me the feelings that she was so delighted to see me. Then we will find our friends ( which both of us know and used to hang out with ) to have a drink or two and can spend like hours talking. And she will never once said want or wish to go home first. In fact, i'm the one that request to go home.
When driving her home, she's also giving some feelings whereby she doesn't want to go home so fast. But when once she steps out of my car, everything seems to resume back to normal. She won't call me, she will not sms me and we will lost in touch for few more months. I wonder why this is happening? She is getting marry, she bought a condo with the husband to be, she will have the life she always dream of. But how come she still wants to linger around me? I mean yes, as a friend i do not mind. But how come every time hanging out with her, i felt that she is giving me fake hope or am i thinking too much? Frankly, i don't really wish to attend her wedding because i know on that day, my feelings and emotion will be fucked up. But if i don't go also another issue. Because she was hoping for me to go.
So, What if  the wedding will be cut off suddenly, what if she comes and find me? What if she still have feelings for me? What if is the question...

Monday, July 18, 2011

Being Hate Rather than Being Depressed

This is what she said, so she rather me to hate her. I'm not depressed being with her. I'm only disappointed sometimes that she can't understand me and i cannot make her understand me at all.

She rather leave me than rather stay with me and get through this. It all started when i raised my voice and bla bla bla .. and now everything is gone. 

I don't blog much nowadays as i'm out of words and i seriously do not know what else more that i can do because i think i do not know how to love. 

Asking a small favor from someone you love to pamper a bit when you're not in a good mood, the person can say that she doesn't know how to. Really speechless if that's the case.