Thursday, August 13, 2015

The Last Conversation

6th August
Was the last time we spent together until almost midnight
The night that I wished that never comes to end
I remembered clearly that we did had fun and also looking forward to see each other again
I know I am happy to see you.
Two months, I have been waiting for you to come back from Canada, counting down the days until August.
I miss you very much but i am also not allow to say it out loud.
It is not an healthy relationship to begin with. but we never made it as official , we are just too comfortable being together
Sure you have your own life and so do I , that is why I never question about your current life not anything at all

It is selfish , yes I know , to ask more than what we are now . But hey, human are selfish being. We only want the best for ourselves
Apparently I don't really know how to handle women
Why you may ask ?
Simple, my mindset : If you are not my legit one, however we are having a fling or whatsoever, BY RIGHT , you should not have any rights to question who I hang out with , or which girl showing any affections to me and VICE VERSA
Women's mindset : REGARDLESS LEGIT OR NOT , FLING OR NOT, when you are paying 100% attention to her, indirectly you are already hers. Be it if she is EVEN not yours. She just want you for herself and not anyone.
One word  : SELFISH

This girl who I dearly care for actually means alot. She gave me smile all the time. She kept me going even I know there's no end for us. I am just happy with her company. She was the only sole person for now that actually can bring my frown flip upside down
You may think she might not know my real feelings? No you're wrong , she knows it too well actually. BOTH of us do.

So when this another girl's appearance , came into the picture , everything was OK for her. Well maybe she has already feeling the sense of jealousy but not showing or telling me directly 
She was taking it nicely . Maybe she thinks that the other girl's coming into the picture will not actually take away much attention from me, plus the girl is from another country anyways.

So long story cut short, this girl is coming down to KL to celebrate birthday to me. OK , this might sound something different to EVERY SINGLE PERSON I asked, however , the girl really treats me like a good friend, and she is like what ? 25 years old ? She is more like a twin younger sister to me. She is mature in her age but at time she is just as witty as me, we clicked no doubt about that. So yea, and plus where you can find such good friend that just flying over to celebrate with you ? Well that is because she knew my 2 best friends are not in town , on my birthday , she just want to be there to celebrate my big 30. Now here's the thing, I would have imagine that , I will celebrate with you instead. But seriously , do I really need to like plan or schedule my own birthday with you ? Aren't you suppose to be the one that plan and let me know what's your plan for my birthday ? Whether you want to celebrate with me pre-during-post ? Correct? Because before you come back from Canada, you did not mention any plans, so does the Girl from Overseas. SO my own backup plan was, just find a nice short local getaway and celebrate myself. Sounds pityful to you that is reading this, but it sound just fine, to me

6th was the last day I saw her , and 11th was the last time I've chatted with her. Everything has been wiped out. Well technically nothing to be wiped out but yea, some memorable and sweet memories we had together. Disclaimer : I do not hate her, I just don't think I can actually befriends with her anymore.  But that does not mean I don't care about her anymore. I will just have to sayang her from afar. That is the least I can do for her now.

I do miss you Bee . Really.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

When does this end ?

How long it has been ?

A year plus I guess.

I am not the person that really like to play with people's feeling

Why when I really like you, 

And you are the one decide to tuck me away ?

This is not happening 

I treat you good , however , I do not need you to spend a single penny on me 

I just need you to notice that I am real for you

You want to play yes? OK, don't come questioning me when I stop caring , showing my affection to you as I will one day forget about you