fact

fact is i don't understand why friends can betray you in a snap of a finger. just like that! it's like they treat you good when they want to and when they know someone else, they ignore you. this happens to me with one of my good friend. all the while, my character is, where i treat each and every friend with all my heart. i don't mind their background, what past they had and such.

how we got to know each other? well in short, her ex and my ex eventually got together and that's how we met.we're like brothers, family.but recently,when i broke up with my recent ex, my ex kept in touch with my friend, and that time my friend do have a gf which went to Switzerland for studies. then after a month or so, her gf from Switzerland called me, and ask me is her gf attach with my current ex, then i said i don't know and i ask her why she said so, then she told me that my friend called her up and ask for a break up and the excuse my friend gave her is that she does not have extra time for her, everytime busy with her studies and activities in school. Sounds abit irrational rite? then they broke up as the gf also having the time of her life in overseas.

then, my friend started to distance me. why i say so? cause last time our relationship can go up to the level where she called me up everyday and chat with me, i know it's because of her gf is not in town, so she needs a companion. we meet up times to times either she head down to cheras or i head to kepong to find her for drinks and chit chat. then for the past month, she rarely called, nor sms. when i sms her, she didn't reply, call her sometimes, she will said she is busy.

until recently, her ex from Switz,(actually me and her ex also can consider as friends,cause we used to hang out together) called me up middle of the night and ask me, "you know S and S are together?" i was in a blurrish situation, so i said why you said like that? then she told me that my ex load pics in facebook with my friend where they went to sarawak trip together(where my ex is a sarawakian) then i was stonned a while. i was totally awake that time, i said to my Switz friend, i seriously don't know whether they're together or not, but if they're, i don't mind though as both parties are singles. deep down i feel abit uneasy. that is of course no matter you love that person much or less, still you will feel disturb when your ex close with your friend esp close one, no?

So the summary is, i don't know whether my friend ignores me cause she is, THE FACT she is involved with my ex, or my ex bad mouthing me, or my ex brain-washed her, to distance me. it really breaks my heart to see a friend treating me like this where i lost another friend. i hate the fact that friends argue and hated each other. this only happens to those friends that i get to know outside from school. as for my high school friends, there's only one person that betrays me and we sorta argued and since then, we did not talk to each other. i really miss the time when everything is used to be, but what had past, let it be past. there's nothing much me or you can do unless friends really think that the friendship is worth to last,which i think it should be,but i've tried and she's the one that distance me, i've already done my part and now is her time to do her part correct? let's just wait.

you're coming in?

why on earth you're coming in btw.??
meaning if you come in, then i need to face you all the time?
i don't think i can handle it though...
sorry ... if you come in.. then i'll leave...

i suddenly miss her

out of sudden, i miss thian thian..very much..

why u did that?

i tried so hard not to contact you anymore... yet today you contacted me and told me you're nearby my office.. i was suprised and happy but when i came to know that it was your boyfriend that brought you to cyberjaya is to just see where his office located and even so gentleman to show you where my office as well.. so gentleman of him. then you ask me out for drink, TOGETHER WITH UR BOYFRIEND? come on, i got one experience b4 when we came back from our langkawi trip he drove you and you INSIST me to tag along! u know how bad does it feels? i bet you don't understand at all how the feeling is though. sighh

Please...if you're happy with your life now.. please don't drag me along with your boyfriend there with you .. as you want the whole world to know that you're one happy woman. Everyone knows that, but doesn't mean everyone (me) want to face the reality. hearing and seeing is TWO different things.. i can hear news how happy you are, i will feel happy, but seeing, sorry,been there and it hurts like hell and i don't want to see again.

good luck to you my love.. enjoy your life!

a girl with attitude

let me tell you a story about this girl. She has a cute smile with attracting eyes, she's not that tall(shorter than me a lil) and a bit chubby. i met her in Thai Club. she was a friend of a friend's friend. understand? =.=

anyways, i forgot how i got her number, but i guess i got her msn first then only i got her number. and coincidently that day was on 24th oct 2009. the day i went to langkawi, so anyways, after trip i got like whole damn week off, and i seriously do not know where to go. i checked my phone book, until then only i realized that there's no one to call out for movies or anything. Kinda pathetic huh? oh well, out of sudden only i realized this girl's number.so i decided to sms her. As i aspected, she replied! So on and on we sms-ed each other until 2 something in the morning, then she suddenly did not reply me already so i thought that maybe she's asleep, and in the morning, when i was sleeping i received her sms, and i was right she was dozed-off. haha. Anyways, i wanted to watch jennifer's body at that time when my ex, told me ..no ..PROMISED me that she will watch this movie with me, but she did not. So, i asked this girl whether she wants to catch a movie together and she replied me YES again. Hence, i did ask her for dinner as well, as she off work and then i will meet her at her house. Again coincidently, she's staying directly behind of my current ex's house that condominium. I was seriously shocked!

This couldn't be that coincident right? anyways, fetch her from her house, there.. that is the first time i see her, with normal lighting, not like in Thai Club with beer and tipsy condition rite? I admit, She is kinda good looking.(meaning in Thai Club, i wasn't tipsy enough) so we head to Kim Gary in Sunway grab our dinner and went for the movie.

That day was fun outing with her, she's cute, though she's younger than me one year.. but i felt good and frankly speaking i do have some good impression on her but i did not tell her that. I do not want to freaked her out. Anyways, after that, we did not meet each other up, but we do keep in touch with sms-ing each other. It's nice knowing this girl.. What's her name? EVE.

trip which i never thought that could hurt me inside out

Oct 24th to 26th..

i spent my first and last vacation with her for the one last time. And i never thought that the trip and our relationship will perrished like that. I do not know what exactly you were thinking previously before you met Simon, you came back into my life after you broke up with Patrick. And things starts up from there. We hang out, we went for movies, dinners, stayed over night at each other place. Everything seems to be just like last time.

After that, one wednesday you said want to come over my house to have home dinner with me, you asked me to buy things and go home and cook for you. I was happy cos' it feels like our relationship there's hope. I cooked for you, and we ate dinner together. It feels like couple sweetheart.. serious. You even helped me folded my clothes which i dump into a bag for like three months. A normal friend would not do these kinda activities with someone unless he/she is your partner..correct me if i'm wrong.

Worst part, is ... we even...i'm not those that can have One Night Stand and leave the scene directly. Don't tell me you are. That particular night you over night at my home, i've asked you a question. " do you still love me?"you answered me "yes" and also u answered me with a "but". i know what is your "but" about. it is because i'm not a MALE and i cannot bring any future.. and you cannot live a life of a lesbian. simple as that right? It puzzles me, you love someone and that person loves you back, it really doesn't matter same gender or the other way round. You love that person as in that person himself/herself. Isn't love conquers all? Sorry i don't know how to put my feelings into words. I feel lost at one moment when you said that you love me but there's a barrier there that makes u unable to love me continously and even be with me.

Then just so i thought that our relationship can have a second chance, you got to know SIMON a.k.a LUCAS whatver his name is. He is your sister's friend. How he get to know you is, we all went for movie together as we got free tickets and that is how he got to know you. From there, he started dating you out, and you agreed. What is the meaning of this? Can you please tell me. Even you go out with him, in the same time you still treat me the same,until SIMON told you that he is interested on you, you started to neglect me. Why? I'm not a part timer, I'm not also paid to be with you when you're lonely or sad. I'm there with you all the time it's because i love you and i want to be the person beside you that can take care of you, to love you. You're the only one person that i really hardly forget. You even asked me to plan for a holiday. And i did, and i did told you that i will cover for you cause you said you wish to go trip with me. And i did ask u who wants to follow instead? You're the one that said you only wants us both to go to the trip. Again, you got me puzzle again for a moment there. I did not think much as i know, i wish after the trip i will give you the ring that i've bought so long time ago before we broke up. The couple ring actually is for our first anniversary, but before we can even reach our anniversary, you mention that you want to break up with me. I kept the ring for so long, when you were with Patrick, I never thought that i will give it to you, but when you broke up with Patrick, you sorta came back to my life. And i thought maybe there's chance, and i saw the chance when you said that you want to go to trip with me alone..But.... the fact is... you've already dating with Simon and you did not even have the nerve to tell it to me.There i am, still bringing such high hope to get back with you, all along the trip you were sms-ing Simon. He called like ten times or even more in half day. SMS never stop. Remember the night before we go to the trip? I sms you asking whether you still on for the trip or not? And you said yes. I called you later on and ask clearly the question "do you want to go to langkawi? or do you want to go to langkawi with me?

You said you want to go to langkawi WITH me. I took your answer. And i took all my negative thoughts away as i really wish to have a beautiful trip with u. And i thought to myself, after this trip i will ask you to get back with me and hand you the ring. Speaking of the ring, you did ask me where is the ring that i bought for you.. few times already.. each and every time i answered you that the time is not here yet. when i finally found the perfect time, everything was banished and i'm at square one AGAIN.

On the very first night in langkawi, we argued cause of what? Simon calls you even late night already. I really pissed off totally. I did ask you again who am i to you? you know how to cry only. and i need to give the answer for you which i'm just the person that causes you unable to go front nor head back. When i heard this, i felt like you're lying.You like Simon already, and that was really fast. Few times outing together and you like him already. Seriously i really dunno what m i going to do anymore, Patrick divorced his wife just to be with you, and that day you told me that you don't know what to do when you heard him saying like that. And AGAIN, you cried cause he said something very touching and causes you cry. Why you can cry easily? Why your emotions are so easily touched? Every word i say to you was really deep down my heart, each word comes out from my mouth to you never been faken before. I never lie to you. All i do is for you.

Now you're happily with... Simon? Patrick? others? I really don't know. I can never read you anymore. You've changed alot baby, you're no longer the gal that i once knew before, or maybe you never let me have the chance to know the "real" you as what you are now.

Thian,

No doubt bout how i feel for you. You're always the queen of my heart, my baby, my girl, my partner, my love of my life. No doubt that whenever you need me i will be there for you. This is a promise from a person like me give to you. I will never interfere any of your love life. I will only be the shadow that will always follows you and give you all my support and love that you need.