Thursday, July 30, 2009

birthday present for her... although it's DIY

all DIY just for her... i hope she likes it.. cos i see those panda is soooo damn cute!! can't imagine it would turned out so darn cute!!!! hehehe

Monday, July 27, 2009

happy ... sad... happy then sad back.....

i don't know what is wrong with me, i'm suppose to be happy for her but instead of that, i'm seriously shit not happy at all. on saturday, T said that go for breakfast then she said she scare she might not wake up in time. so she said on sunday morning

okie,so suddenly michelle jab me ..asking wanna dim sum together not.. so i said okie lor..then i reached there that mich haven't arrive yet.. she took the wrong road and need to make a huge U turn to reach the destination.i found a spot and sat down, and i smsed T mentioning good morning bla bla bla to her ..saying i got company to eat breakie.

after not long, mich arrived with her stylo self.. ahems!!

we sat down and started makan! yumyum...!! hehe..then we chit chat bout T n S stuffs... then out of sudden my phone rang... T called... i answered the call then ask her why call me.. she said she need to wake up already that time if i'm not mistaken it was only 8 - 9 something.(cos she was suppose to work in UM for dunno wat exibition) then she said wanna take bath i ask "ehh,why so early lar...still long way to go ma.." then she said "now take bath la, if not no time go eat breakfast!!" i was like stoned a while, it's so obvious that she wanted to have breakfast with us.. i also don't know why.

she eventually came.. then after breakfast, me and mich head back to home. in the evening, called her.. she said later go out sing K with nite she sms me saying she is not happy... then after K, go pub drink somemore..
then i was freaking worried bout her.. she said she wanna go home but she car pool her friend's car. i called K to fetch her back to K's house.. indeed she overnite there.. i told her that i will come over rite after work. and i did.. i was too worried bout her.. after work, i straight away drove to K's house..she was sleeping..then she woke up, and chat with me a while, then she suddenly lay her head on my shoulder.i can feel that she is unhappy. then me, mich, K n T went to breakfast at old town tmn midah.. suddenly i said wanna buy headphones.. then mich gave me an idea, go T there exibition there buy lar.. since all IT things.. i was like thinking it on my mind but never mention it out.. so eventually we did and we hang out at UM there like for an hour.. then told T need to head home already, when we were heading out.. that was everything turns into ashes... i bumped face to face with her BF ... i called her to inform her that.. then she said she will settle everything. i went home... with my heart pounding very fast... would she get back to him? will she forgets about me after forgiving him? will she go back so so loving with her BF?

alot of thoughts..

and i cried.. in the end.. cos.. the fact i called her..
and she mention that she patched back with him... which that time heart really broken again..
by her again...but i told her its nothing to do with her..

the fact is everything has to do with her...
every smile, every frown, every single feeling i had, it was all because of her...

today is her birthday....and she celebrate with her bf..which she actually need to...

i dun feel like celebrating for her...cos' it doesn't mean alot to her though.. i'm just a friend to her..

now i'm feeling very numb ..
it's like these few days... everything happens for a reason...

i'm really tired this time

i wish that she will happily get married with this guy...
cos i know whenever she comes to me...i will always soft heart towards her..

i'm very deeply in love with her... since last time till now...

there's nothing much i can do now..
i've done my part.. so it's your turn T

Sunday, July 19, 2009

tear still flows for you

tears still flows for you...
never thought after what had happened..
it still flows for you...
but one thing i know that it is very hard for you...
and now i know what to do..
is to let go of you..
so that you could find your true happiness..
now i finally understands what is true love means...
you do not really need to be at that person's side always..
just remind yourself that you'll always by her side in your heart..
wish her all the best and the only thing u want to see from her is...
her warm smile looking at the person that she choose...
that's the only thing you can ever do once the thing has past.

move on.. and somehow you'll see the world in a much better way..
cherish people that always besides you...
i finally understand that...
when i see you cried in front of me,
my heart really felt the pain...
that i feel that i really should let you go..
cos i know that you're suffering ...
cos i'm still lingering in your life..
maybe it's time for me to find another life...
a brand new one maybe...
to start my own story all over again..
without you perhaps..
it might have a happy ending to both sides..
who knows..??
take the risk..
being a human all you need is taking risks,
and enjoy life..
live life to the fullest and bring happiness to everyone..

i finally understand that ..sorry for everything...
i'll always be by your side whenever you need me..
cos' you can count on me..
not to worry that i will always catch you when you fall..
take my words..

Thursday, July 16, 2009

trouble sleeping

sigh, i'm having problem with my stupid sleeping disorder...since last week, can't even sleep well..not even well. Few days straight, can't sleep at all! what the heck! And my dark circles is getting worst, headache, muscle pain, joint pain, every single spot of my body also pain. first i tried with coughing syrup, then flu pills, then i asked from a "friend" of mine how to get sleeping pills, which phamacy needs doctor's description then only can purchase. finally can get but not much..eventually i really can dozed off but the problem is like dead sleeping i don't know what is happening around me. then when i woke up it feels like HELL! which heavy headaches... OMG body is weak... sigh.... i tried not to have the sleeping pills again but then problem is cannot sleep at all and although my eyes are tired but i can't keep my eyes shut! HELP!!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Idiotic ADYWE...

Why i always hurt people's feelings without my knowing... i've not much left in me to give out... family... friends and dear ones...

i'm really sorry to let u guys down again... and again... i do not want this to happen again...

But what i'm trying to say is that i don't know what time and when i might take my own life.. it's juz something that i need to write down this thing ... but i hope whoever reads this please don't scold me.. i'm having the worst time ever... and it's not because of relationship... it's all because of for who you may say?or

love for my friends,

the closest friends and my dear friends,

high school's friends, krys, su ann, stacy,poh yee,esther, kian...

you've been there for me since when we're in high school time..
it's has been wonderful 9 nine years knowing you.
i still can remember we were school enemies..
until we knew that we're placed inside one class, everything changes
we're tight since then,though we had arguement sometimes...but in a glance,
we're hugging each other already...
until you left school, you still keep in touch with me no matter what..
you never gave me up whenever all of them gave me up,
you brag and brag on me on whatever i do,
and sometimes, i might felt... "why she keep on nagging me?"
but in other hand, i know.. deep down you want the best for me..
i love you in every beat of my heart..i truly love you.. from the bottom of my heart.
remember one thing, if there's anything happen to me, please don't blame me okie?
remember everything i do, there's a reason..

su ann,

although we didn't keep in touch that often anymore,
but deep down you're still like a little sister to me,
i care for you,
i dearly love you,
no matter what you do,
i'll always be there for you.


we're buddies,
i'll never forget the times we enjoyed being singles together,
i'll never forget the trips that we went together,
the time that we hang out at LOOK OUT POINT,
drinking and having time of our lifes!
i'm happy that you've found love..
hope you'll always be happy.

poh yee n esther,

poh yee, we're friends since we're 10 years old.. its been 14 years already
true friends no need to talk long as we'll always be there for each other..


you're one of those keeping in touch once in a blue moon,
but it's okie.cos' i'll always remember you...
you're one of those friends that don't really mind of people business those type which i'm really glad to have you as a dear friend.
love you.

Kian @ See Toh

i can't stay mad at you... to be frank, i can't be angry for you,
hope that you know that true friends wont mad at each other..
that's all i have to say to you.
love you.

my friends out there,

there's too many... but i'll mention oni those that close to me..

sting@ai ren- wo ai ni.. you're the bestest friend that i could ever wish for... pls take care of yourself..

elcey- you're in very much alike me in some ways... but i still treat u as my closest bud..

denise- den den, pls dun angry at me at all if i've done something wrong to you..pls forgive me if i'd done wrong okie?? you know that i can't bare to make you misunderstand me or me misunderstand u... there's only few words i can tell u.. that is i want you to know is .. you're always my brother

kham kham- i know you so long dy lar... you're a dear friend to me as well.. the funny things you've done that makes me smile... the things you've done to make my r/s better with thian.. appreciated it alot...

michelle- you're one of those also friends since we're in you always

dylan@leo- sister/brother.... love u always

nana & agnes- both of you are so lovely and you're always people that i look up to

and the rest that i didn't mention, you all have printed your footprints in my heart always and forever....


Pa, Ma, Lester, Leslie, Amanda & my little Anna Jane...

i'm sorry to all of you to make you all worried about me. i've nothing much i can do more but i hope for what i'm not doesn't change a single thing for being your daughter, an younger sister and also an elder sister ..i'm sorry cause i've not done what i've should responsibility...

to my dearest one,

you know who you are,

you came into my life when i was in the darkest place on earth,

you come light up my life with your tender smile,

you held me up and give me courage to love again..

i thank you for giving me the chance to love you,

i thank you that staying beside me..

although you've walked out of my life...

but remember,

i'll always be two steps back behind you,

always ready to catch you whenever you fall..

no matter what,

deep down you're always the queen of my heart,

i wish you well..

to susan,

my lovely zen zen,

you're so much different from others,

you're such angel that sent from above

that came into my life...

you're daring to stand in front of me to protect me

no matter how sad or how hard you take it as easy as it seems.

i thank you sincerely from the hearts

thank you everyone..

Sunday, July 5, 2009

more pics from the past... and there's a pic of you krystle!!!

kyrstle n ben...rain party
jess,sting n nick..rain party

foam party,jess,sting,nick, faye

*far left , AL,Krystle,Bie,Clement & Stacy..

workin night shift...

here some ciggies buds which is MUCH lesser than day shift..
here is the place which i hang most of my break times...ALONE..

see, no human being walking quiet... HP company... where i'm currently working now...
frankly speaking, i prefer night shift more than day shift.. i don't know why.. maybe it's because it's more comfortable for me not wearing formal wear and people at night is more at ease than day which all the people is very formalized...
so what do you think then???

Saturday, July 4, 2009

and yet

lately i eventually called up her..time to time...

"are you free?"


"oh okay,never mind then"

*hangs up..

Phone rangs "hello?"

"you're looking for me?"

"yeah, but nothing la..just called up for ask you how are you.."

"oh that's it? nothing more?"

"nothing much"

harsh voice,"oh! like that only is it? alright then, i need to head home already..if there's nothing to talk anymore."

...pulse..."wait!! er.... well just ask whether you're free or not?"

"tonite i'm free." i can feel that she sounds happy...

"oh, today i should be free... and tomorrow also might be free.. but you're not free tomorrow as you're working rite?"in a relieved and sounds abit happy tone...

"er.. actually tonight and tomorrow also i won't be free..cause i'm working late shift"

"then never mind.. see how then.. i'll let you know tomorrow, i need to head home already..."

"oh okay then, never mind lar.. drive safe!"

...hangs up...

later on....i called her again... don't ask me why, i just felt that wanting to call her...

....but no one picks up....

i sent an sms which reads like this,

"you busy? i called you but you never picked up." sent on 10.53 pm

she replied after a while...which reads....

"sorry doing some housework, now wanna sleep lo...good nite" received on 10.55 pm

what a way to reply me... somehow.. deep down i know i care for her alot, and she know's that too.. i've done her a favour but not asking her anything in return but just to hang out with me sometimes..which i hope that our r/s could last in a more nicer way... but...

in return this is what i get...."tired, sleepy,busy"...etc etc... with alot of excuses...

i'm starting to get boring with you be frank...

OMG!!! This picture was taken at EL GEE in cheras, which my first ehem kiss with a guy i gave it to him! Oh my GOsh!!!!... ahahhahaa.. but i dun mind though.. cos he's gay plus... he's my friend...5 years back! ahakZ! see.. we both are "enjoying it" *vomits!* and FYI, he did vomits after french kissing me... and so do i! yuck! i've done this for the sake of my parents man... that's the most i can do with a man.. no more..the limit is reaches only on kissing a guy!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009


finally!!! my salary is out!! yay! i'm so happy for it.!! i can finally pay off my debts.! hahahhahahahaa!!! but in the other hand, i need to finish all like half of it sigh... to think bout it.. its kinda sad though.. but never mind lar..

what you've loan you have to return lor.. that's the main thing for being pennyless at that time.. sighh! tiring..! on sat im on live.. a bit scary though.. how am i suppose to be prepared?? i'm really afraid.. i hope things goes well !