it is so aimless ..... i tried my very best to put everything into places, but eventually it doesn't fit ... when i force it to be... i tried to fit in, but maybe there's a barrier between people and me... i'm not trying to make myself sound pityful.. but it's just weird... i dun fit in everywhere... no matter how i tried.. maybe i'm just pathetic in a way... and.. perhaps keeping it like this will be much better...i've no idea... and i dun want to think...
sitting inside my room just make me feel safe and i don't want to leave....
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
running thru my mind
i thought that i've said all about myself to her.. but for all you know, there's some little secrets left inside the closet.. i wonder.... can i actually can take it /accept it??
i often say to myself.. this would be the last.. this and that.. but the more i think about it... it's getting my mind confuse.. cos' i know somehow... things will turn out sour.. its just the matter of time...
i'm not giving up... but still there's so much emotions is dragging me down... forcing me to let go... no matter how hard i try not to....
i really hope that i can find an answer for this or else... there's nothing much i can do besides letting go....
i often say to myself.. this would be the last.. this and that.. but the more i think about it... it's getting my mind confuse.. cos' i know somehow... things will turn out sour.. its just the matter of time...
i'm not giving up... but still there's so much emotions is dragging me down... forcing me to let go... no matter how hard i try not to....
i really hope that i can find an answer for this or else... there's nothing much i can do besides letting go....
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Lui Sat Sao~~
few pics of me and my mummy... playing the role of Chan Poh Chu, "luiiiiii saattttt saooooo" hwhahhahahahaha
Anniversary (small small gift)
i wanted to get baby something..at first thought was couple ring from Bausch K ... but baby suddenly mentioned to me that ring in her definition is either engaged or married. When i heard it, it sounded like she's not ready. In my mind i was thinking okay, then i've no idea what to get her..
anyways, today when i was in lunch break 12am i went to Old Town to meet up Joanne and Eun Jun for makan. When i walked passed by, i saw a stall (where they sell something like flea market stuffs) packing.. i went there and take a quick peep.. then i saw this.. it was perfect!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
what is going on?
19th Feb-20th Feb 2010.
She came to find me in my working place. It is because I'm staying at one of my ex-colleague's house reason cos' I've no transportation to work. In the evening everything was just fine, until we were reading my blog and mich's blog about characteristic thingy. I read hers, and then i just randomly go bitch around to see my ex's characteristic only. Then i told her that she and my ex fall into the same category. Then she was like jokingly say " oh, why you go read your ex's birthday one? why ar?" It was just a simple random thing. Nothing popped up in my mind towards my ex. Then after that, things started to change, she's like not in the mood. I tried to talk to her but she's acting cool, i tried to pujuk her,she said she's okay. Then i got into moody mode,(cause of not sleeping straight for like 17 hours) I wanted to spend happy times with her, not just sitting there and you do your things i do mine.
Later on, things seems to be cool off abit. We got talk but still i felt something is weird, almost 12, paid bill and head to the car. Again i ask her what is wrong, she said nothing.Then we head back to my company to take my ciggies that i left while waiting for my ex-coll to off work. While we were inside the car, she acting very strangely, i tried to give her a kiss, she avoided. Then i drove the car outside, and i asked her what is wrong? she said nothing again. My heart doesn't feel nice at all, then i told her, that i wanted to spend quality time with her before my ex-coll reach my company. then she just kept quiet. then i kept quiet, then i can't stand not talking with each other i just walk out from the car. I need to cool down. Not long, my ex-coll reached. We head back to her house and then she asked me how to go out from here, directed her and ask her what is wrong? then she said AGAIN NOTHING. i asked her no goodbye kiss? then I felt that she's forcing herself to give me one.
Nevermind, after settling down things, i go take my bath and then i call her.(she said she will call me, but she didn't) again i said sorry if i've done something wrong to make her angry or whatsoever. As i expected, She mentioned nothing is wrong just that she's having headache. Fine. I talk to her half way then she keep on asking me to go sleep this and that, Fine i follow her words. I hang up the call and went to my coll's room and chat with her a while. Then, i saw her online. She changed her FB statement mentioning that she had some thinking to do, I jab her in msn asking what is wrong, AND AGAIN SHE ANSWERED NOTHING,and ask me go to sleep. FINE, i offline and just tucked myself to sleep. received an sms from her saying that she had some thinking to do. I replied, we did promised each other that we will talk bout everything, and this time she's hiding what is she thinking. i told her no matter what, i'll be there for her. She replied, its okie, something that i have to think it by myself. nite nite. that's it!
I just don't understand. There's no need to think that much. First she said she got second thoughts of our relationship, now she's saying that she got thinking to do and she don't want to tell what is the problem to me. What am i to her anyways? Why everytime i'm the one that get all the questions without answers type of thing.
She told me before, within 3-6 months, she will start to change. Maybe she's changing. What can i do? I'll just have to bear with her. Its heartbreak seeing her treating me like this. it's like she's pushing me away..I don't know how long i can stand, i don't want us to angry or being upset towards each other because of what? i also don't know! Reasons??
I know i love her alot. But i just don't know how to tell her or convince her on this? maybe i'm not good enough for her. I knew it's too good to be true.
She came to find me in my working place. It is because I'm staying at one of my ex-colleague's house reason cos' I've no transportation to work. In the evening everything was just fine, until we were reading my blog and mich's blog about characteristic thingy. I read hers, and then i just randomly go bitch around to see my ex's characteristic only. Then i told her that she and my ex fall into the same category. Then she was like jokingly say " oh, why you go read your ex's birthday one? why ar?" It was just a simple random thing. Nothing popped up in my mind towards my ex. Then after that, things started to change, she's like not in the mood. I tried to talk to her but she's acting cool, i tried to pujuk her,she said she's okay. Then i got into moody mode,(cause of not sleeping straight for like 17 hours) I wanted to spend happy times with her, not just sitting there and you do your things i do mine.
Later on, things seems to be cool off abit. We got talk but still i felt something is weird, almost 12, paid bill and head to the car. Again i ask her what is wrong, she said nothing.Then we head back to my company to take my ciggies that i left while waiting for my ex-coll to off work. While we were inside the car, she acting very strangely, i tried to give her a kiss, she avoided. Then i drove the car outside, and i asked her what is wrong? she said nothing again. My heart doesn't feel nice at all, then i told her, that i wanted to spend quality time with her before my ex-coll reach my company. then she just kept quiet. then i kept quiet, then i can't stand not talking with each other i just walk out from the car. I need to cool down. Not long, my ex-coll reached. We head back to her house and then she asked me how to go out from here, directed her and ask her what is wrong? then she said AGAIN NOTHING. i asked her no goodbye kiss? then I felt that she's forcing herself to give me one.
Nevermind, after settling down things, i go take my bath and then i call her.(she said she will call me, but she didn't) again i said sorry if i've done something wrong to make her angry or whatsoever. As i expected, She mentioned nothing is wrong just that she's having headache. Fine. I talk to her half way then she keep on asking me to go sleep this and that, Fine i follow her words. I hang up the call and went to my coll's room and chat with her a while. Then, i saw her online. She changed her FB statement mentioning that she had some thinking to do, I jab her in msn asking what is wrong, AND AGAIN SHE ANSWERED NOTHING,and ask me go to sleep. FINE, i offline and just tucked myself to sleep. received an sms from her saying that she had some thinking to do. I replied, we did promised each other that we will talk bout everything, and this time she's hiding what is she thinking. i told her no matter what, i'll be there for her. She replied, its okie, something that i have to think it by myself. nite nite. that's it!
I just don't understand. There's no need to think that much. First she said she got second thoughts of our relationship, now she's saying that she got thinking to do and she don't want to tell what is the problem to me. What am i to her anyways? Why everytime i'm the one that get all the questions without answers type of thing.
She told me before, within 3-6 months, she will start to change. Maybe she's changing. What can i do? I'll just have to bear with her. Its heartbreak seeing her treating me like this. it's like she's pushing me away..I don't know how long i can stand, i don't want us to angry or being upset towards each other because of what? i also don't know! Reasons??
I know i love her alot. But i just don't know how to tell her or convince her on this? maybe i'm not good enough for her. I knew it's too good to be true.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
two person once a couple but bumped into them with each other couples!
16th Feb 2010
Now I'm at baby's cousin house in Alam Damai. Before that Krys a.k.a my slut came and find me and we went to Tmn Mutiara Station One for a drink or two along with Mable (slut's pup). Was enjoying the time alot.. Then later, while i was playing FB, suddenly, i looked around, i notice someone very familiar.. and who?? It was sting and susan. It was surprised for me to bumped into them even in cheras. I thought that they won't come to cheras. Cos' both of them now staying in Sunway. Weird for them to come all the way down here for a drink with Pei San and also her GF. I don't think that they saw me anyways.
I called baby and ask her to tag along with us for a drink cos i missed her alot. then she was at alam damai. then she came to meet me around 15 mins. i felt very happy to see her though... =]
After a short while, my slut wanted to head home to fetch her mum. So paid the bill then later we head back to alam damai, while driving through to the Tmn Midah round about, another surprised! bumped into elcey and snowy was driving next to us, elcey was driving like a mad cow.. Haha...!! in one day and around the same time, i saw two person once a couple at the same time and it felt very weird to me... hahahhahaa... anyways, happy holidays y'all
Now I'm at baby's cousin house in Alam Damai. Before that Krys a.k.a my slut came and find me and we went to Tmn Mutiara Station One for a drink or two along with Mable (slut's pup). Was enjoying the time alot.. Then later, while i was playing FB, suddenly, i looked around, i notice someone very familiar.. and who?? It was sting and susan. It was surprised for me to bumped into them even in cheras. I thought that they won't come to cheras. Cos' both of them now staying in Sunway. Weird for them to come all the way down here for a drink with Pei San and also her GF. I don't think that they saw me anyways.
I called baby and ask her to tag along with us for a drink cos i missed her alot. then she was at alam damai. then she came to meet me around 15 mins. i felt very happy to see her though... =]
After a short while, my slut wanted to head home to fetch her mum. So paid the bill then later we head back to alam damai, while driving through to the Tmn Midah round about, another surprised! bumped into elcey and snowy was driving next to us, elcey was driving like a mad cow.. Haha...!! in one day and around the same time, i saw two person once a couple at the same time and it felt very weird to me... hahahhahaa... anyways, happy holidays y'all
Friday, February 12, 2010
new year new life....
it's been long time i did not update my lil' old blog of mine... I'm not really a blogger cause' i those classic type whereby i still keep my old diary and time to time i do write. Alright let's start from last year's last month of the year 2009. I was still in a mess that time, with T. But anyways, got to know few new friends through Josephine, was Michelle Lim and Evelyn( the girl I actually mentioned 'bout on my previous blog.) Anyways, I also missed out this one little woman that I did not mentioned. =]
Her name is Nikie. We knew each other practically from Michelle, because it was her that brought out Nikie on one fine day outing in Aloha together with Evelyn. So that's how we met and knew each other. Nothing much happened on that day as that time I had feelings towards Eve.(as in good impression.) So, we hanged out that day, it was fun. Later on, I've added Nikie through Facebook, and then one fine day i saw her online through FB chat, so i just clicked on her name and just trying to have a little chit chat with her. My first impression on her was, very outgoing and sporting type of person. Nothing more.. In fact, she scares me a little. The way she bring herself in the club. =P
Okie, then after the first outing with them, i manage to get nikie's msn as well as her phone number. So, the following week if I'm not mistaken, I was sitting at Station One, alone surfing the net, suddenly my phone rang. To be surprised, it was Nikie that called me. I answered the call and she asked me to head to TC to join them for drinking session. I told her that I do not want to head down to KL as I'm actually a little bit lazy driving all the way downtown just for a drink or two, but Nikie insist me to tag along, as always, i gave in. So i head back to home get dressed and head to town. Met them, had a drink or two, that time I wanted to head there to see Eve. But eventually, Nikie and I talked more than Eve and I. Strange huh? Tell about it...
I do not want to go into details about what happened on that night, but me and Nikie clicked right away that night( as in we can actually talk to each other about anything at all)
The following day, we actually sms-ed each other for the whole day. Don't ask me how or why, it just happened. We basically chat bout general stuffs, but i like sms-ing with her.. =P
So on Xmas eve, i've no place to head to, then Amanda asked me out for a drink at Station One. So we went there and some little chatting, then my slut called me up and ask me to meet her up at OUG. I told Amanda that i want to head there. We went our own way, and reached OUG and going to spent my time with my slut, her hubby and her family. When it's 12 am sharp, I don't know why, i called up Nikie, and wished her Merry Christmas. To my surprise, I was able to call her and actually able to call in to her number, cause normally,in festive season, NORMALLY you are freaking hard to call or even sms someone cause everyone will be doing the same thing at the same time. So consider lucky i can actually, can called her up and wish her. =]
Xmas day,
T bought me a perfume, Burberry Brit, and i bought her Chanel. I was still jiwang over her that time, so i asked her whether she got any plans, and as i know she did had plans later on, so basically, I'm free for the whole nite. I saw Nikie was online in msn, so , we chatted and out of sudden, she said she wanted to go for a movie. I said since i'm free, why dun we go together, i was jokingly telling her, but to be surprised, she said okay. So, after work, i went to Cineleisure to meet her up. The scenario was a bit awkward, cause this is the first time we go out without Mich and also Eve along. I was a little bit afraid of her anyways, so we headed here and there for simple window shopping while waiting for the time for our movie starts.
So that was our first outing. That time, i was feeling a strange feelings but i don't really bother about that feelings cause, i still have something with T where i haven't let go of her yet. So, after that outing, i got one whole week off , Denise asked me to join her to Penang for working. So i did.
When i was on the way to Penang, Amanda called so does Nikie. Basically both this women was sms-ing and calling me. Well it keeps me busy anyways. So when i was in Penang, all i thought of the get some biscuits and again i do not know why, i wanted to get something for Nikie. I told her that over the phone.
On 31st Dec 09,
I gave myself deadline for T, i told myself that i really cannot go on hanging to will never come back to me.
New Year Begins, 010110
So after 4 days tiring in Penang, was on the way back, Nikie actually asked me to accompany her to go for a massage. FULL body massage. I'm not a fan of massage, but eventually YET again i gave in and agree to go with her. So while we were heading home, Denise actually say wanted to go for massage then for a drink with her god -"mother" at EL GEE. So the very first thing i sms Nikie asking she wanted to join or not. She agreed, so after i've done my massage (leg) then we head to EL GEE. Denise brought out a new friend, name Joeann. While waiting for Nikie actually, my heart was beating fast as i feel like wanted to meet her soon. Finally, she arrived. So we drank beer and play stuffs, then there's a section whereby Denise actually dare me and Nikie to kissed eat other. Both of us say NO at first, and Nikie did dare back Denise to french with a GUY. And she DID! So denise ask her to French with me, i was being forced to the corner, and i have no choice to french with her. (that time i was a little bit blur and tipsy already) The kissed did not lasted long. She retrieved. Reason, Do not know.
Then Denise asked Joeann to choose among three of us to french, i was standing beside joeann, Jo was thinking and out of SUDDEN!, She frenched with me~! surprising!!!! And after we french, she practically all over me. And i just act dumb. Nikie was suppose to fetch me home, but in the end i told her that Denise will fetch me home instead.Joeann kept on sticking to me. I do not know why she's acting like that.
Anyways, the very next day Nikie and I went to BODY massage. After massage, we head for movies. Later after movies we head to sanctuary for a drink, she Disturb me cos' i told her i don't really dance.
Long story cut short, we done quite some outings together, and eventually we had some feelings towards each other and she actually confessed to me that she likes me. We went from probation period until there's one day we actually argued and we both wanted to be together but both of us are afraid. But on the 6th of Feb 2010, we eventually opened up everything and now we're officially together.
Up to date, we're okay so far so good. She bought me a watch where i actually so happy cos' she bought me something that i needed.
Nikie baby, i heart you~!!
Her name is Nikie. We knew each other practically from Michelle, because it was her that brought out Nikie on one fine day outing in Aloha together with Evelyn. So that's how we met and knew each other. Nothing much happened on that day as that time I had feelings towards Eve.(as in good impression.) So, we hanged out that day, it was fun. Later on, I've added Nikie through Facebook, and then one fine day i saw her online through FB chat, so i just clicked on her name and just trying to have a little chit chat with her. My first impression on her was, very outgoing and sporting type of person. Nothing more.. In fact, she scares me a little. The way she bring herself in the club. =P
Okie, then after the first outing with them, i manage to get nikie's msn as well as her phone number. So, the following week if I'm not mistaken, I was sitting at Station One, alone surfing the net, suddenly my phone rang. To be surprised, it was Nikie that called me. I answered the call and she asked me to head to TC to join them for drinking session. I told her that I do not want to head down to KL as I'm actually a little bit lazy driving all the way downtown just for a drink or two, but Nikie insist me to tag along, as always, i gave in. So i head back to home get dressed and head to town. Met them, had a drink or two, that time I wanted to head there to see Eve. But eventually, Nikie and I talked more than Eve and I. Strange huh? Tell about it...
I do not want to go into details about what happened on that night, but me and Nikie clicked right away that night( as in we can actually talk to each other about anything at all)
The following day, we actually sms-ed each other for the whole day. Don't ask me how or why, it just happened. We basically chat bout general stuffs, but i like sms-ing with her.. =P
So on Xmas eve, i've no place to head to, then Amanda asked me out for a drink at Station One. So we went there and some little chatting, then my slut called me up and ask me to meet her up at OUG. I told Amanda that i want to head there. We went our own way, and reached OUG and going to spent my time with my slut, her hubby and her family. When it's 12 am sharp, I don't know why, i called up Nikie, and wished her Merry Christmas. To my surprise, I was able to call her and actually able to call in to her number, cause normally,in festive season, NORMALLY you are freaking hard to call or even sms someone cause everyone will be doing the same thing at the same time. So consider lucky i can actually, can called her up and wish her. =]
Xmas day,
T bought me a perfume, Burberry Brit, and i bought her Chanel. I was still jiwang over her that time, so i asked her whether she got any plans, and as i know she did had plans later on, so basically, I'm free for the whole nite. I saw Nikie was online in msn, so , we chatted and out of sudden, she said she wanted to go for a movie. I said since i'm free, why dun we go together, i was jokingly telling her, but to be surprised, she said okay. So, after work, i went to Cineleisure to meet her up. The scenario was a bit awkward, cause this is the first time we go out without Mich and also Eve along. I was a little bit afraid of her anyways, so we headed here and there for simple window shopping while waiting for the time for our movie starts.
So that was our first outing. That time, i was feeling a strange feelings but i don't really bother about that feelings cause, i still have something with T where i haven't let go of her yet. So, after that outing, i got one whole week off , Denise asked me to join her to Penang for working. So i did.
When i was on the way to Penang, Amanda called so does Nikie. Basically both this women was sms-ing and calling me. Well it keeps me busy anyways. So when i was in Penang, all i thought of the get some biscuits and again i do not know why, i wanted to get something for Nikie. I told her that over the phone.
On 31st Dec 09,
I gave myself deadline for T, i told myself that i really cannot go on hanging to will never come back to me.
New Year Begins, 010110
So after 4 days tiring in Penang, was on the way back, Nikie actually asked me to accompany her to go for a massage. FULL body massage. I'm not a fan of massage, but eventually YET again i gave in and agree to go with her. So while we were heading home, Denise actually say wanted to go for massage then for a drink with her god -"mother" at EL GEE. So the very first thing i sms Nikie asking she wanted to join or not. She agreed, so after i've done my massage (leg) then we head to EL GEE. Denise brought out a new friend, name Joeann. While waiting for Nikie actually, my heart was beating fast as i feel like wanted to meet her soon. Finally, she arrived. So we drank beer and play stuffs, then there's a section whereby Denise actually dare me and Nikie to kissed eat other. Both of us say NO at first, and Nikie did dare back Denise to french with a GUY. And she DID! So denise ask her to French with me, i was being forced to the corner, and i have no choice to french with her. (that time i was a little bit blur and tipsy already) The kissed did not lasted long. She retrieved. Reason, Do not know.
Then Denise asked Joeann to choose among three of us to french, i was standing beside joeann, Jo was thinking and out of SUDDEN!, She frenched with me~! surprising!!!! And after we french, she practically all over me. And i just act dumb. Nikie was suppose to fetch me home, but in the end i told her that Denise will fetch me home instead.Joeann kept on sticking to me. I do not know why she's acting like that.
Anyways, the very next day Nikie and I went to BODY massage. After massage, we head for movies. Later after movies we head to sanctuary for a drink, she Disturb me cos' i told her i don't really dance.
Long story cut short, we done quite some outings together, and eventually we had some feelings towards each other and she actually confessed to me that she likes me. We went from probation period until there's one day we actually argued and we both wanted to be together but both of us are afraid. But on the 6th of Feb 2010, we eventually opened up everything and now we're officially together.
Up to date, we're okay so far so good. She bought me a watch where i actually so happy cos' she bought me something that i needed.
Nikie baby, i heart you~!!
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