Wednesday, October 23, 2013


Dear YOU,

I miss you dearly, there is nothing much i can say anymore. You were once a beacon to me. Now the light is slowly fading away. I felt that you are slowly moving away from me.

Do YOU know how hurt it can be? I will tell you. It hurts more than got burn or a car wreck, I could feel my heart actually aching and beating so fast until I need to calm down myself to back off from what is aching me so hard, then come to realized it was YOU.

I know that YOU wouldn't know much, as you think I hurt you , yes I did. But I never meant to hurt you, honest from the bottom of my heart. Now I have no longer have you by my side, come to think of it, I deserve it. I felt like i have disappointed you so much , until I do not feel i have any privilege to seek permission to ask for you to forgive me and come back to me.

I had always dreamt about a vision of being with you, how we build our own relationship,how we start our own family , how we buy a house together and spend time at home, cleaning, sitting at the car porch , smoking, watching tv together or just simply hugging each other to sleep over the weekend. Just not doing anything.

When you cried, I tried to stop you from crying, I tried to make you feel better, but little that I know you are suffering when I was with you. I am the cause of your tears. I just realized that , and it took me that long to realized it. So in another way, I wished I could be the person that make you smile, the person that made you laugh and giggles upon small silly things i did, the person that you can feel loved by, I tried, but I failed.

I do not know what will happen in the future, but what I do know now , is my heart stops the moment you left me, the moment when you asked me to "Take it that way" I knew that is the moment you already do not wish to come back or patch back

I felt the whole world crushed on me , I felt like I do not want to continue anything. Everything just stops.

Dear YOU,

You did not realized how much you have changed me, but who am I to confront you about this.
No matter how many times I try to open my mouth to convince, words just not coming out. I cannot make out one sentence to make you feel secure again with me. I am truly sorry.

p/s : Please don't forget about me, about us.. I would only wish I could turn back the time