19th Feb-20th Feb 2010.
She came to find me in my working place. It is because I'm staying at one of my ex-colleague's house reason cos' I've no transportation to work. In the evening everything was just fine, until we were reading my blog and mich's blog about characteristic thingy. I read hers, and then i just randomly go bitch around to see my ex's characteristic only. Then i told her that she and my ex fall into the same category. Then she was like jokingly say " oh, why you go read your ex's birthday one? why ar?" It was just a simple random thing. Nothing popped up in my mind towards my ex. Then after that, things started to change, she's like not in the mood. I tried to talk to her but she's acting cool, i tried to pujuk her,she said she's okay. Then i got into moody mode,(cause of not sleeping straight for like 17 hours) I wanted to spend happy times with her, not just sitting there and you do your things i do mine.
Later on, things seems to be cool off abit. We got talk but still i felt something is weird, almost 12, paid bill and head to the car. Again i ask her what is wrong, she said nothing.Then we head back to my company to take my ciggies that i left while waiting for my ex-coll to off work. While we were inside the car, she acting very strangely, i tried to give her a kiss, she avoided. Then i drove the car outside, and i asked her what is wrong? she said nothing again. My heart doesn't feel nice at all, then i told her, that i wanted to spend quality time with her before my ex-coll reach my company. then she just kept quiet. then i kept quiet, then i can't stand not talking with each other i just walk out from the car. I need to cool down. Not long, my ex-coll reached. We head back to her house and then she asked me how to go out from here, directed her and ask her what is wrong? then she said AGAIN NOTHING. i asked her no goodbye kiss? then I felt that she's forcing herself to give me one.
Nevermind, after settling down things, i go take my bath and then i call her.(she said she will call me, but she didn't) again i said sorry if i've done something wrong to make her angry or whatsoever. As i expected, She mentioned nothing is wrong just that she's having headache. Fine. I talk to her half way then she keep on asking me to go sleep this and that, Fine i follow her words. I hang up the call and went to my coll's room and chat with her a while. Then, i saw her online. She changed her FB statement mentioning that she had some thinking to do, I jab her in msn asking what is wrong, AND AGAIN SHE ANSWERED NOTHING,and ask me go to sleep. FINE, i offline and just tucked myself to sleep. received an sms from her saying that she had some thinking to do. I replied, we did promised each other that we will talk bout everything, and this time she's hiding what is she thinking. i told her no matter what, i'll be there for her. She replied, its okie, something that i have to think it by myself. nite nite. that's it!
I just don't understand. There's no need to think that much. First she said she got second thoughts of our relationship, now she's saying that she got thinking to do and she don't want to tell what is the problem to me. What am i to her anyways? Why everytime i'm the one that get all the questions without answers type of thing.
She told me before, within 3-6 months, she will start to change. Maybe she's changing. What can i do? I'll just have to bear with her. Its heartbreak seeing her treating me like this. it's like she's pushing me away..I don't know how long i can stand, i don't want us to angry or being upset towards each other because of what? i also don't know! Reasons??
I know i love her alot. But i just don't know how to tell her or convince her on this? maybe i'm not good enough for her. I knew it's too good to be true.