Sunday, September 30, 2012

Complicated Stage


This is a story from a story i have read somewhere.
Imagine this, you are a person which have alot of love to give out. Also, you are such a lucky bitch to have so many people to give their love to you as well. So, here comes another person, jumps into your life again. This time around, this person is way elder than you can imagine. 11 years gap. The chemistry between you two is amazing. Nothing like mother daughter feeling. However it will not feel that way as well, she could be your sister, like what you have with your siblings. When that person is around your age now, you are only in high school doing some stupid high school girls would do. Never gone through your mind you would have such feelings.

Anyways, so this person is married , with 4 kids, does not sleep with the husband anymore. She was titled as a "Trophy Wife." So , you get to know her from those standard social network nowadays, its so easy to know a person, but meeting up is likewise. Had a few chat, sounded like flirty and such. Then as normal exchanging numbers is of course. Then that continue with text messages and exchanging calls. The feelings is right and wrong at the same time. Most complicated part is , She is with a Girl at the same time. Complicated enough?

You guys did some text messages, and things were fine, until she told you up regarding about her relationship with her girlfriend is falling apart as well. So what now? What was she thinking? As a normal person, comforting a sad person is normal. But indeed, you feel like she's old enough to know what is she doing, so you will just make assumption which she just need a friend to talk to, so you just comfort her without feeling anything else. But as days goes by, little that you know, your feelings towards her is changing from a stranger to someone you call friend. From a friend, it changed and became someone like you feel important, regardless she have a girlfriend or husband.

One day, you guys were texting and you jokingly said feel like having ice cream. And surprisingly she said,"let's go!" You were stunned for a while , but you went out anyway, the meet up was awkward. Because she asked you to park your car somewhere , and she will be fetching you from there. In your mind, was thinking alot of bullshit "what if this person is a serial killer , or a man -slaughter, i will be a dead meat going into her car? Or for all you know, she is not SHE , is HE!?" You took precaution though, you parked your car somewhere there's people, and stayed inside your car. Out of sudden, a huge MPV approached and stopped behind your car, and you received a text, " I'm behind you." Your mind is running all sorts of crazy stuff like being abducted and murdered, but you still picked up your guts and came out from your car and open her MPV front door. To your surprise, it was really a woman, small size and very beautiful indeed. She smiled at you, you instantly melt. Your heart and mind had an ease, it was alright. So headed up and went into a drive through McD and ordered ice cream, she ordered two ice cream. Meeting up with her seriously gave you the awkward moment. You thought will be hanging out at McD instead of going through the drive through. So after picking up your ice cream, ended up having the ice cream in the car. Had chit chats about her girls and the husband and most of the time is talking about her girlfriend. She loves her girlfriend a lot. So you wouldn't think that much. It was more like a friend. After some couple of hours, there comes those cops doing rounding. So she suggested we move on to somewhere, and you guys ended up at a 24 hours cafe, and continue chat. She was looking at you directly into your soul, and believe it or not, she's like know how to describe a person by judging their face features. She straight away can tell you what type of person are you. You were amazed how true it was. The conversation lasted until 3AM, you are getting tired, and mentioned needed to head off,so she fetch you back to your car, you said goodbye to her, but she keep on asking " is that all?" you just nodded and got down the car. Moment you went into the car, you were thinking, what does she means by that?

So , from the the scenario, what is your next step?

P/S:  This story is just a make up story, an scenario... which pops up in my mind. Does not apply to reality..  I guess I watch too many dramas. And would like to become a script writer for a Complicated Stage. haha! Let your mind do the rest of the story.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

what if

what if your ex is getting married? what kind of feeling you will have? i have this ex of mine is getting marry this November. At one point when i knew it, it didn't strike me that much and also the impact wasn't that hard. But as the month is coming closer, the feelings is starting to kicked in. She is like something that wouldn't contact me for months, then out of the blue she will call or sms me to ask me out. But never once she will call me out alone. 
However, she will ask me to fetch her out. I do not mind doing so, but each and every time i also felt weird aura from her. She will bring some junkies that i used to like to eat ( whereby when we were together, she always buy for me to eat) she will give me once she's inside my car. Then she will have the wide smile towards me which she gave me the feelings that she was so delighted to see me. Then we will find our friends ( which both of us know and used to hang out with ) to have a drink or two and can spend like hours talking. And she will never once said want or wish to go home first. In fact, i'm the one that request to go home.
When driving her home, she's also giving some feelings whereby she doesn't want to go home so fast. But when once she steps out of my car, everything seems to resume back to normal. She won't call me, she will not sms me and we will lost in touch for few more months. I wonder why this is happening? She is getting marry, she bought a condo with the husband to be, she will have the life she always dream of. But how come she still wants to linger around me? I mean yes, as a friend i do not mind. But how come every time hanging out with her, i felt that she is giving me fake hope or am i thinking too much? Frankly, i don't really wish to attend her wedding because i know on that day, my feelings and emotion will be fucked up. But if i don't go also another issue. Because she was hoping for me to go.
So, What if  the wedding will be cut off suddenly, what if she comes and find me? What if she still have feelings for me? What if is the question...
 
 
 
 
 
 

Monday, July 18, 2011

Being Hate Rather than Being Depressed

This is what she said, so she rather me to hate her. I'm not depressed being with her. I'm only disappointed sometimes that she can't understand me and i cannot make her understand me at all.


She rather leave me than rather stay with me and get through this. It all started when i raised my voice and bla bla bla .. and now everything is gone. 


I don't blog much nowadays as i'm out of words and i seriously do not know what else more that i can do because i think i do not know how to love. 


Asking a small favor from someone you love to pamper a bit when you're not in a good mood, the person can say that she doesn't know how to. Really speechless if that's the case. 

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

aimless

it is so aimless ..... i tried my very best to put everything into places, but eventually it doesn't fit ... when i force it to be... i tried to fit in, but maybe there's a barrier between people and me... i'm not trying to make myself sound pityful.. but it's just weird... i dun fit in everywhere... no matter how i tried.. maybe i'm just pathetic in a way... and.. perhaps keeping it like this will be much better...i've no idea... and i dun want to think...

sitting inside my room just make me feel safe and i don't want to leave....

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

running thru my mind

i thought that i've said all about myself to her.. but for all you know, there's some little secrets left inside the closet.. i wonder.... can i actually can take it /accept it??

i often say to myself.. this would be the last.. this and that.. but the more i think about it... it's getting my mind confuse.. cos' i know somehow... things will turn out sour.. its just the matter of time... 


i'm not giving up... but still there's so much emotions is dragging me down... forcing me to let go... no matter how hard i try not to....


i really hope that i can find an answer for this or else... there's nothing much i can do besides letting go....

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Lui Sat Sao~~




few pics of me and my mummy... playing the role of Chan Poh Chu, "luiiiiii saattttt saooooo" hwhahhahahahaha

Anniversary (small small gift)






i wanted to get baby something..at first thought was couple ring from Bausch K ... but baby suddenly mentioned to me that ring in her definition is either engaged or married. When i heard it, it sounded like she's not ready. In my mind i was thinking okay, then i've no idea what to get her..

anyways, today when i was in lunch break 12am i went to Old Town to meet up Joanne and Eun Jun for makan. When i walked passed by, i saw a stall (where they sell something like flea market stuffs) packing.. i went there and take a quick peep.. then i saw this.. it was perfect!