This is what she said, so she rather me to hate her. I'm not depressed being with her. I'm only disappointed sometimes that she can't understand me and i cannot make her understand me at all.
She rather leave me than rather stay with me and get through this. It all started when i raised my voice and bla bla bla .. and now everything is gone.
I don't blog much nowadays as i'm out of words and i seriously do not know what else more that i can do because i think i do not know how to love.
Asking a small favor from someone you love to pamper a bit when you're not in a good mood, the person can say that she doesn't know how to. Really speechless if that's the case.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
aimless
it is so aimless ..... i tried my very best to put everything into places, but eventually it doesn't fit ... when i force it to be... i tried to fit in, but maybe there's a barrier between people and me... i'm not trying to make myself sound pityful.. but it's just weird... i dun fit in everywhere... no matter how i tried.. maybe i'm just pathetic in a way... and.. perhaps keeping it like this will be much better...i've no idea... and i dun want to think...
sitting inside my room just make me feel safe and i don't want to leave....
sitting inside my room just make me feel safe and i don't want to leave....
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
running thru my mind
i thought that i've said all about myself to her.. but for all you know, there's some little secrets left inside the closet.. i wonder.... can i actually can take it /accept it??
i often say to myself.. this would be the last.. this and that.. but the more i think about it... it's getting my mind confuse.. cos' i know somehow... things will turn out sour.. its just the matter of time...
i'm not giving up... but still there's so much emotions is dragging me down... forcing me to let go... no matter how hard i try not to....
i really hope that i can find an answer for this or else... there's nothing much i can do besides letting go....
i often say to myself.. this would be the last.. this and that.. but the more i think about it... it's getting my mind confuse.. cos' i know somehow... things will turn out sour.. its just the matter of time...
i'm not giving up... but still there's so much emotions is dragging me down... forcing me to let go... no matter how hard i try not to....
i really hope that i can find an answer for this or else... there's nothing much i can do besides letting go....
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Lui Sat Sao~~
few pics of me and my mummy... playing the role of Chan Poh Chu, "luiiiiii saattttt saooooo" hwhahhahahahaha
Anniversary (small small gift)
i wanted to get baby something..at first thought was couple ring from Bausch K ... but baby suddenly mentioned to me that ring in her definition is either engaged or married. When i heard it, it sounded like she's not ready. In my mind i was thinking okay, then i've no idea what to get her..
anyways, today when i was in lunch break 12am i went to Old Town to meet up Joanne and Eun Jun for makan. When i walked passed by, i saw a stall (where they sell something like flea market stuffs) packing.. i went there and take a quick peep.. then i saw this.. it was perfect!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
what is going on?
19th Feb-20th Feb 2010.
She came to find me in my working place. It is because I'm staying at one of my ex-colleague's house reason cos' I've no transportation to work. In the evening everything was just fine, until we were reading my blog and mich's blog about characteristic thingy. I read hers, and then i just randomly go bitch around to see my ex's characteristic only. Then i told her that she and my ex fall into the same category. Then she was like jokingly say " oh, why you go read your ex's birthday one? why ar?" It was just a simple random thing. Nothing popped up in my mind towards my ex. Then after that, things started to change, she's like not in the mood. I tried to talk to her but she's acting cool, i tried to pujuk her,she said she's okay. Then i got into moody mode,(cause of not sleeping straight for like 17 hours) I wanted to spend happy times with her, not just sitting there and you do your things i do mine.
Later on, things seems to be cool off abit. We got talk but still i felt something is weird, almost 12, paid bill and head to the car. Again i ask her what is wrong, she said nothing.Then we head back to my company to take my ciggies that i left while waiting for my ex-coll to off work. While we were inside the car, she acting very strangely, i tried to give her a kiss, she avoided. Then i drove the car outside, and i asked her what is wrong? she said nothing again. My heart doesn't feel nice at all, then i told her, that i wanted to spend quality time with her before my ex-coll reach my company. then she just kept quiet. then i kept quiet, then i can't stand not talking with each other i just walk out from the car. I need to cool down. Not long, my ex-coll reached. We head back to her house and then she asked me how to go out from here, directed her and ask her what is wrong? then she said AGAIN NOTHING. i asked her no goodbye kiss? then I felt that she's forcing herself to give me one.
Nevermind, after settling down things, i go take my bath and then i call her.(she said she will call me, but she didn't) again i said sorry if i've done something wrong to make her angry or whatsoever. As i expected, She mentioned nothing is wrong just that she's having headache. Fine. I talk to her half way then she keep on asking me to go sleep this and that, Fine i follow her words. I hang up the call and went to my coll's room and chat with her a while. Then, i saw her online. She changed her FB statement mentioning that she had some thinking to do, I jab her in msn asking what is wrong, AND AGAIN SHE ANSWERED NOTHING,and ask me go to sleep. FINE, i offline and just tucked myself to sleep. received an sms from her saying that she had some thinking to do. I replied, we did promised each other that we will talk bout everything, and this time she's hiding what is she thinking. i told her no matter what, i'll be there for her. She replied, its okie, something that i have to think it by myself. nite nite. that's it!
I just don't understand. There's no need to think that much. First she said she got second thoughts of our relationship, now she's saying that she got thinking to do and she don't want to tell what is the problem to me. What am i to her anyways? Why everytime i'm the one that get all the questions without answers type of thing.
She told me before, within 3-6 months, she will start to change. Maybe she's changing. What can i do? I'll just have to bear with her. Its heartbreak seeing her treating me like this. it's like she's pushing me away..I don't know how long i can stand, i don't want us to angry or being upset towards each other because of what? i also don't know! Reasons??
I know i love her alot. But i just don't know how to tell her or convince her on this? maybe i'm not good enough for her. I knew it's too good to be true.
She came to find me in my working place. It is because I'm staying at one of my ex-colleague's house reason cos' I've no transportation to work. In the evening everything was just fine, until we were reading my blog and mich's blog about characteristic thingy. I read hers, and then i just randomly go bitch around to see my ex's characteristic only. Then i told her that she and my ex fall into the same category. Then she was like jokingly say " oh, why you go read your ex's birthday one? why ar?" It was just a simple random thing. Nothing popped up in my mind towards my ex. Then after that, things started to change, she's like not in the mood. I tried to talk to her but she's acting cool, i tried to pujuk her,she said she's okay. Then i got into moody mode,(cause of not sleeping straight for like 17 hours) I wanted to spend happy times with her, not just sitting there and you do your things i do mine.
Later on, things seems to be cool off abit. We got talk but still i felt something is weird, almost 12, paid bill and head to the car. Again i ask her what is wrong, she said nothing.Then we head back to my company to take my ciggies that i left while waiting for my ex-coll to off work. While we were inside the car, she acting very strangely, i tried to give her a kiss, she avoided. Then i drove the car outside, and i asked her what is wrong? she said nothing again. My heart doesn't feel nice at all, then i told her, that i wanted to spend quality time with her before my ex-coll reach my company. then she just kept quiet. then i kept quiet, then i can't stand not talking with each other i just walk out from the car. I need to cool down. Not long, my ex-coll reached. We head back to her house and then she asked me how to go out from here, directed her and ask her what is wrong? then she said AGAIN NOTHING. i asked her no goodbye kiss? then I felt that she's forcing herself to give me one.
Nevermind, after settling down things, i go take my bath and then i call her.(she said she will call me, but she didn't) again i said sorry if i've done something wrong to make her angry or whatsoever. As i expected, She mentioned nothing is wrong just that she's having headache. Fine. I talk to her half way then she keep on asking me to go sleep this and that, Fine i follow her words. I hang up the call and went to my coll's room and chat with her a while. Then, i saw her online. She changed her FB statement mentioning that she had some thinking to do, I jab her in msn asking what is wrong, AND AGAIN SHE ANSWERED NOTHING,and ask me go to sleep. FINE, i offline and just tucked myself to sleep. received an sms from her saying that she had some thinking to do. I replied, we did promised each other that we will talk bout everything, and this time she's hiding what is she thinking. i told her no matter what, i'll be there for her. She replied, its okie, something that i have to think it by myself. nite nite. that's it!
I just don't understand. There's no need to think that much. First she said she got second thoughts of our relationship, now she's saying that she got thinking to do and she don't want to tell what is the problem to me. What am i to her anyways? Why everytime i'm the one that get all the questions without answers type of thing.
She told me before, within 3-6 months, she will start to change. Maybe she's changing. What can i do? I'll just have to bear with her. Its heartbreak seeing her treating me like this. it's like she's pushing me away..I don't know how long i can stand, i don't want us to angry or being upset towards each other because of what? i also don't know! Reasons??
I know i love her alot. But i just don't know how to tell her or convince her on this? maybe i'm not good enough for her. I knew it's too good to be true.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
two person once a couple but bumped into them with each other couples!
16th Feb 2010
Now I'm at baby's cousin house in Alam Damai. Before that Krys a.k.a my slut came and find me and we went to Tmn Mutiara Station One for a drink or two along with Mable (slut's pup). Was enjoying the time alot.. Then later, while i was playing FB, suddenly, i looked around, i notice someone very familiar.. and who?? It was sting and susan. It was surprised for me to bumped into them even in cheras. I thought that they won't come to cheras. Cos' both of them now staying in Sunway. Weird for them to come all the way down here for a drink with Pei San and also her GF. I don't think that they saw me anyways.
I called baby and ask her to tag along with us for a drink cos i missed her alot. then she was at alam damai. then she came to meet me around 15 mins. i felt very happy to see her though... =]
After a short while, my slut wanted to head home to fetch her mum. So paid the bill then later we head back to alam damai, while driving through to the Tmn Midah round about, another surprised! bumped into elcey and snowy was driving next to us, elcey was driving like a mad cow.. Haha...!! in one day and around the same time, i saw two person once a couple at the same time and it felt very weird to me... hahahhahaa... anyways, happy holidays y'all
Now I'm at baby's cousin house in Alam Damai. Before that Krys a.k.a my slut came and find me and we went to Tmn Mutiara Station One for a drink or two along with Mable (slut's pup). Was enjoying the time alot.. Then later, while i was playing FB, suddenly, i looked around, i notice someone very familiar.. and who?? It was sting and susan. It was surprised for me to bumped into them even in cheras. I thought that they won't come to cheras. Cos' both of them now staying in Sunway. Weird for them to come all the way down here for a drink with Pei San and also her GF. I don't think that they saw me anyways.
I called baby and ask her to tag along with us for a drink cos i missed her alot. then she was at alam damai. then she came to meet me around 15 mins. i felt very happy to see her though... =]
After a short while, my slut wanted to head home to fetch her mum. So paid the bill then later we head back to alam damai, while driving through to the Tmn Midah round about, another surprised! bumped into elcey and snowy was driving next to us, elcey was driving like a mad cow.. Haha...!! in one day and around the same time, i saw two person once a couple at the same time and it felt very weird to me... hahahhahaa... anyways, happy holidays y'all
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