Eve before Malaysia marks the day as History

Today is the day. Today mark the very important day, a day before polling day. This is what most Malaysian are looking for. A vote to change for a better Malaysia. The government has been done damage enough to our beloved country. We should start standing and make our vote counts. Stop complaining over social media stating the government is not doing anything but corruption. Becoming a keyboard warrior, but the fact that they did not register themselves as a legit voter. We want to make things better for Malaysia. 

In this very moment, people are starting to gather together. You will not see any races, any religion or any differences in the country, we are coming as ONE. Becoming ONE to mark tomorrow as a final fight for our beloved country.

I hope that every Malaysian will cast their vote wisely. We had enough with the current situation of the country. Yes, we might have difficulties at first, slowly but surely we will strive to be a better nation. Together we stand, together we fight!

#inikalilah #ubah #GE14  

  

 

Fast forward to 2017

I was figuring out for good 15 minutes what was my blog link, and it suddenly strikes me it was an emo title. How funny. To come to think back about the title you gave for your title of your blog. Sounds silly. Oh well, younger me wasn't that mature anyways, even now too. 

I was with K earlier, for a smoke break and waiting for Z to bring lunch pack for her. So we were talking about life and such and we went into the topic about camping coming Aug. She asked me to check on the flight schedule. I told her I am not quite sure if the company needs me to be back to PHL for the next on boarding. Anyways, K and the gang was planning to camp and celebrate my birthday. And there leads to another topic, so we were chatting about our previous birthdays together and how we celebrate. I admit that we are getting older, and tend to forget things. It is weird where I can only remember vaguely on my previous birhtdays until back to 2014. Whatever happens before 2014, i really cannot remember much.

Is it true that people tend to forget things? I am not like that. I do remember most things. Especially when it comes to memories. Or did I choose to remember selective memories instead? I realized that as times goes by, as I grow older, all I really want is to live life. And not work for life. I work for money, not for career. I want to be free of debt, but it seems like kinda impossible at times. Recently, I got my performance review and it has been done, I am looking forward for something else in job role. I hope my boss can allow this to happen as I do not want to stuck in one position again for another 5 years with no movement. I want to pursuit my happiness by doing something I like.

Memories are so precious at times. I believe i choose to remember things I wanted to. Because when I recall the incident that M gave me last 5 years ago, seems to be so fresh in my mind. I felt that it seems like yesterday when it happened. Which btw, M appeared again and disappear again. As how she left me past 5 years go. Sigh.

Right now, it seems nothing is more important than family, friends and MONEY. Yes MONEY. Call me realistic, but without money, you are not going anywhere. Here's the fun-fact, I jotting all these down because I realized that my tendency of remembering things are getting worst. Losing quite a bit of memories. Some are precious, some are meant to be forgotten.

All I wish for right now, is a clearer path for my current position and have it lock down so that everything will work well by then. Hopefully.

Until then, so far 2017 is treating me well enough. Please keep it coming. I need to move on.

The Last Conversation

6th August

Was the last time we spent together until almost midnight

The night that I wished that never comes to end

I remembered clearly that we did had fun and also looking forward to see each other again

I know I am happy to see you.

Two months, I have been waiting for you to come back from Canada, counting down the days until August.

I miss you very much but i am also not allow to say it out loud.

It is not an healthy relationship to begin with. but we never made it as official , we are just too comfortable being together

Sure you have your own life and so do I , that is why I never question about your current life not anything at all

It is selfish , yes I know , to ask more than what we are now . But hey, human are selfish being. We only want the best for ourselves
Apparently I don't really know how to handle women

Why you may ask ?

Simple, my mindset : If you are not my legit one, however we are having a fling or whatsoever, BY RIGHT , you should not have any rights to question who I hang out with , or which girl showing any affections to me and VICE VERSA

Women's mindset : REGARDLESS LEGIT OR NOT , FLING OR NOT, when you are paying 100% attention to her, indirectly you are already hers. Be it if she is EVEN not yours. She just want you for herself and not anyone.

One word  : SELFISH

This girl who I dearly care for actually means alot. She gave me smile all the time. She kept me going even I know there's no end for us. I am just happy with her company. She was the only sole person for now that actually can bring my frown flip upside down

You may think she might not know my real feelings? No you're wrong , she knows it too well actually. BOTH of us do.

So when this another girl's appearance , came into the picture , everything was OK for her. Well maybe she has already feeling the sense of jealousy but not showing or telling me directly 

She was taking it nicely . Maybe she thinks that the other girl's coming into the picture will not actually take away much attention from me, plus the girl is from another country anyways.

So long story cut short, this girl is coming down to KL to celebrate birthday to me. OK , this might sound something different to EVERY SINGLE PERSON I asked, however , the girl really treats me like a good friend, and she is like what ? 25 years old ? She is more like a twin younger sister to me. She is mature in her age but at time she is just as witty as me, we clicked no doubt about that. So yea, and plus where you can find such good friend that just flying over to celebrate with you ? Well that is because she knew my 2 best friends are not in town , on my birthday , she just want to be there to celebrate my big 30. Now here's the thing, I would have imagine that , I will celebrate with you instead. But seriously , do I really need to like plan or schedule my own birthday with you ? Aren't you suppose to be the one that plan and let me know what's your plan for my birthday ? Whether you want to celebrate with me pre-during-post ? Correct? Because before you come back from Canada, you did not mention any plans, so does the Girl from Overseas. SO my own backup plan was, just find a nice short local getaway and celebrate myself. Sounds pityful to you that is reading this, but it sound just fine, to me

6th was the last day I saw her , and 11th was the last time I've chatted with her. Everything has been wiped out. Well technically nothing to be wiped out but yea, some memorable and sweet memories we had together. Disclaimer : I do not hate her, I just don't think I can actually befriends with her anymore.  But that does not mean I don't care about her anymore. I will just have to sayang her from afar. That is the least I can do for her now.

I do miss you Bee . Really.

When does this end ?

How long it has been ?

A year plus I guess.

I am not the person that really like to play with people's feeling

Why when I really like you, 

And you are the one decide to tuck me away ?

This is not happening 

I treat you good , however , I do not need you to spend a single penny on me 

I just need you to notice that I am real for you

You want to play yes? OK, don't come questioning me when I stop caring , showing my affection to you as I will one day forget about you

Enough

When was the last time you said "enough" to yourself?

Have you ever wonder about that? I honestly feel like being used too much.

When you really want to be nice to everyone, then only you found out which actually everyone is not as nice as they seems

To all of you , it may sound normal, but to me, I really feel like I cannot accept the term of "friends with benefits"

What is this term actually ? I had always thought that this term is for your friends to take advantage of your kindness , taking advantage of you as in keep asking you to fetch them around, treat them dinner etc etc la

Little that i know , there is another term for that "friends with benefits" and apparently this is happening everyday. Surprisingly , I will say I am quite surprise to know the fact that people , MAN OR WOMEN, besides the normal "friends with benefits" term, that is also involves SEX! Mind you , this is extremely disturbing (to me) I cannot have sex with one person without feelings. 

No matter , it is a fling, and infatuation or whatever you can name it, you still have feelings towards that one person before you move into the bed .

So, now, I am not being a hypocrite here. My main reason writing this blog is to blur out what is on my mind. As I mentioned, if I like that person , then yes, that is of course I would love to spend time with that person , and of course hoping the person feel the same

I can do fling, but not for long, because I know myself and my heart. It will grow towards that person. 

Plus an additional point, I felt that I was not exposed to this kind of people around me, and I still find it amazeball~ lol.. But honestly, I do not think I am up for it. I might play along for a while, then I will definitely stop it when it is time.

Please , if you are a genuine nice person, please be nice to others and please do not play with people's heart and mind

From the start, I never disclaim I am a nice person, nor a good girlfriend. I am still playful as always, still roaming my heart to everyone. 

But enough is enough. I do not want to have friends like that around me. 

Y.O.U

Dear YOU,

I miss you dearly, there is nothing much i can say anymore. You were once a beacon to me. Now the light is slowly fading away. I felt that you are slowly moving away from me.

Do YOU know how hurt it can be? I will tell you. It hurts more than got burn or a car wreck, I could feel my heart actually aching and beating so fast until I need to calm down myself to back off from what is aching me so hard, then come to realized it was YOU.

I know that YOU wouldn't know much, as you think I hurt you , yes I did. But I never meant to hurt you, honest from the bottom of my heart. Now I have no longer have you by my side, come to think of it, I deserve it. I felt like i have disappointed you so much , until I do not feel i have any privilege to seek permission to ask for you to forgive me and come back to me.

I had always dreamt about a vision of being with you, how we build our own relationship,how we start our own family , how we buy a house together and spend time at home, cleaning, sitting at the car porch , smoking, watching tv together or just simply hugging each other to sleep over the weekend. Just not doing anything.

When you cried, I tried to stop you from crying, I tried to make you feel better, but little that I know you are suffering when I was with you. I am the cause of your tears. I just realized that , and it took me that long to realized it. So in another way, I wished I could be the person that make you smile, the person that made you laugh and giggles upon small silly things i did, the person that you can feel loved by, I tried, but I failed.

I do not know what will happen in the future, but what I do know now , is my heart stops the moment you left me, the moment when you asked me to "Take it that way" I knew that is the moment you already do not wish to come back or patch back

I felt the whole world crushed on me , I felt like I do not want to continue anything. Everything just stops.

Dear YOU,

You did not realized how much you have changed me, but who am I to confront you about this.
No matter how many times I try to open my mouth to convince, words just not coming out. I cannot make out one sentence to make you feel secure again with me. I am truly sorry.

p/s : Please don't forget about me, about us.. I would only wish I could turn back the time

Complicated Stage

This is a story from a story i have read somewhere.

Imagine this, you are a person which have alot of love to give out. Also, you are such a lucky bitch to have so many people to give their love to you as well. So, here comes another person, jumps into your life again. This time around, this person is way elder than you can imagine. 11 years gap. The chemistry between you two is amazing. Nothing like mother daughter feeling. However it will not feel that way as well, she could be your sister, like what you have with your siblings. When that person is around your age now, you are only in high school doing some stupid high school girls would do. Never gone through your mind you would have such feelings.

Anyways, so this person is married , with 4 kids, does not sleep with the husband anymore. She was titled as a "Trophy Wife." So , you get to know her from those standard social network nowadays, its so easy to know a person, but meeting up is likewise. Had a few chat, sounded like flirty and such. Then as normal exchanging numbers is of course. Then that continue with text messages and exchanging calls. The feelings is right and wrong at the same time. Most complicated part is , She is with a Girl at the same time. Complicated enough?

You guys did some text messages, and things were fine, until she told you up regarding about her relationship with her girlfriend is falling apart as well. So what now? What was she thinking? As a normal person, comforting a sad person is normal. But indeed, you feel like she's old enough to know what is she doing, so you will just make assumption which she just need a friend to talk to, so you just comfort her without feeling anything else. But as days goes by, little that you know, your feelings towards her is changing from a stranger to someone you call friend. From a friend, it changed and became someone like you feel important, regardless she have a girlfriend or husband.

One day, you guys were texting and you jokingly said feel like having ice cream. And surprisingly she said,"let's go!" You were stunned for a while , but you went out anyway, the meet up was awkward. Because she asked you to park your car somewhere , and she will be fetching you from there. In your mind, was thinking alot of bullshit "what if this person is a serial killer , or a man -slaughter, i will be a dead meat going into her car? Or for all you know, she is not SHE , is HE!?" You took precaution though, you parked your car somewhere there's people, and stayed inside your car. Out of sudden, a huge MPV approached and stopped behind your car, and you received a text, " I'm behind you." Your mind is running all sorts of crazy stuff like being abducted and murdered, but you still picked up your guts and came out from your car and open her MPV front door. To your surprise, it was really a woman, small size and very beautiful indeed. She smiled at you, you instantly melt. Your heart and mind had an ease, it was alright. So headed up and went into a drive through McD and ordered ice cream, she ordered two ice cream. Meeting up with her seriously gave you the awkward moment. You thought will be hanging out at McD instead of going through the drive through. So after picking up your ice cream, ended up having the ice cream in the car. Had chit chats about her girls and the husband and most of the time is talking about her girlfriend. She loves her girlfriend a lot. So you wouldn't think that much. It was more like a friend. After some couple of hours, there comes those cops doing rounding. So she suggested we move on to somewhere, and you guys ended up at a 24 hours cafe, and continue chat. She was looking at you directly into your soul, and believe it or not, she's like know how to describe a person by judging their face features. She straight away can tell you what type of person are you. You were amazed how true it was. The conversation lasted until 3AM, you are getting tired, and mentioned needed to head off,so she fetch you back to your car, you said goodbye to her, but she keep on asking " is that all?" you just nodded and got down the car. Moment you went into the car, you were thinking, what does she means by that?

So , from the the scenario, what is your next step?

P/S:  This story is just a make up story, an scenario... which pops up in my mind. Does not apply to reality..  I guess I watch too many dramas. And would like to become a script writer for a Complicated Stage. haha! Let your mind do the rest of the story.

what if

what if your ex is getting married? what kind of feeling you will have? i have this ex of mine is getting marry this November. At one point when i knew it, it didn't strike me that much and also the impact wasn't that hard. But as the month is coming closer, the feelings is starting to kicked in. She is like something that wouldn't contact me for months, then out of the blue she will call or sms me to ask me out. But never once she will call me out alone. 

However, she will ask me to fetch her out. I do not mind doing so, but each and every time i also felt weird aura from her. She will bring some junkies that i used to like to eat ( whereby when we were together, she always buy for me to eat) she will give me once she's inside my car. Then she will have the wide smile towards me which she gave me the feelings that she was so delighted to see me. Then we will find our friends ( which both of us know and used to hang out with ) to have a drink or two and can spend like hours talking. And she will never once said want or wish to go home first. In fact, i'm the one that request to go home.

When driving her home, she's also giving some feelings whereby she doesn't want to go home so fast. But when once she steps out of my car, everything seems to resume back to normal. She won't call me, she will not sms me and we will lost in touch for few more months. I wonder why this is happening? She is getting marry, she bought a condo with the husband to be, she will have the life she always dream of. But how come she still wants to linger around me? I mean yes, as a friend i do not mind. But how come every time hanging out with her, i felt that she is giving me fake hope or am i thinking too much? Frankly, i don't really wish to attend her wedding because i know on that day, my feelings and emotion will be fucked up. But if i don't go also another issue. Because she was hoping for me to go.

So, What if  the wedding will be cut off suddenly, what if she comes and find me? What if she still have feelings for me? What if is the question...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Being Hate Rather than Being Depressed

This is what she said, so she rather me to hate her. I'm not depressed being with her. I'm only disappointed sometimes that she can't understand me and i cannot make her understand me at all.


She rather leave me than rather stay with me and get through this. It all started when i raised my voice and bla bla bla .. and now everything is gone. 


I don't blog much nowadays as i'm out of words and i seriously do not know what else more that i can do because i think i do not know how to love. 


Asking a small favor from someone you love to pamper a bit when you're not in a good mood, the person can say that she doesn't know how to. Really speechless if that's the case. 

aimless

it is so aimless ..... i tried my very best to put everything into places, but eventually it doesn't fit ... when i force it to be... i tried to fit in, but maybe there's a barrier between people and me... i'm not trying to make myself sound pityful.. but it's just weird... i dun fit in everywhere... no matter how i tried.. maybe i'm just pathetic in a way... and.. perhaps keeping it like this will be much better...i've no idea... and i dun want to think...

sitting inside my room just make me feel safe and i don't want to leave....

running thru my mind

i thought that i've said all about myself to her.. but for all you know, there's some little secrets left inside the closet.. i wonder.... can i actually can take it /accept it??

i often say to myself.. this would be the last.. this and that.. but the more i think about it... it's getting my mind confuse.. cos' i know somehow... things will turn out sour.. its just the matter of time... 


i'm not giving up... but still there's so much emotions is dragging me down... forcing me to let go... no matter how hard i try not to....


i really hope that i can find an answer for this or else... there's nothing much i can do besides letting go....

Lui Sat Sao~~

few pics of me and my mummy... playing the role of Chan Poh Chu, "luiiiiii saattttt saooooo" hwhahhahahahaha

Anniversary (small small gift)

i wanted to get baby something..at first thought was couple ring from Bausch K ... but baby suddenly mentioned to me that ring in her definition is either engaged or married. When i heard it, it sounded like she's not ready. In my mind i was thinking okay, then i've no idea what to get her..

anyways, today when i was in lunch break 12am i went to Old Town to meet up Joanne and Eun Jun for makan. When i walked passed by, i saw a stall (where they sell something like flea market stuffs) packing.. i went there and take a quick peep.. then i saw this.. it was perfect!

what is going on?

19th Feb-20th Feb 2010.

She came to find me in my working place. It is because I'm staying at one of my ex-colleague's house reason cos' I've no transportation to work. In the evening everything was just fine, until we were reading my blog and mich's blog about characteristic thingy. I read hers, and then i just randomly go bitch around to see my ex's characteristic only. Then i told her that she and my ex fall into the same category. Then she was like jokingly say " oh, why you go read your ex's birthday one? why ar?" It was just a simple random thing. Nothing popped up in my mind towards my ex. Then after that, things started to change, she's like not in the mood. I tried to talk to her but she's acting cool, i tried to pujuk her,she said she's okay. Then i got into moody mode,(cause of not sleeping straight for like 17 hours) I wanted to spend happy times with her, not just sitting there and you do your things i do mine.

Later on, things seems to be cool off abit. We got talk but still i felt something is weird, almost 12, paid bill and head to the car. Again i ask her what is wrong, she said nothing.Then we head back to my company to take my ciggies that i left while waiting for my ex-coll to off work. While we were inside the car, she acting very strangely, i tried to give her a kiss, she avoided. Then i drove the car outside, and i asked her what is wrong? she said nothing again. My heart doesn't feel nice at all, then i told her, that i wanted to spend quality time with her before my ex-coll reach my company. then she just kept quiet. then i kept quiet, then i can't stand not talking with each other i just walk out from the car. I need to cool down. Not long, my ex-coll reached. We head back to her house and then she asked me how to go out from here, directed her and ask her what is wrong? then she said AGAIN NOTHING. i asked her no goodbye kiss? then I felt that she's forcing herself to give me one.

Nevermind, after settling down things, i go take my bath and then i call her.(she said she will call me, but she didn't) again i said sorry if i've done something wrong to make her angry or whatsoever. As i expected, She mentioned nothing is wrong just that she's having headache. Fine. I talk to her half way then she keep on asking me to go sleep this and that, Fine i follow her words. I hang up the call and went to my coll's room and chat with her a while. Then, i saw her online. She changed her FB statement mentioning that she had some thinking to do, I jab her in msn asking what is wrong, AND AGAIN SHE ANSWERED NOTHING,and ask me go to sleep. FINE, i offline and just tucked myself to sleep. received an sms from her saying that she had some thinking to do. I replied, we did promised each other that we will talk bout everything, and this time she's hiding what is she thinking. i told her no matter what, i'll be there for her. She replied, its okie, something that i have to think it by myself. nite nite. that's it!

I just don't understand. There's no need to think that much. First she said she got second thoughts of our relationship, now she's saying that she got thinking to do and she don't want to tell what is the problem to me. What am i to her anyways? Why everytime i'm the one that get all the questions without answers type of thing.

She told me before, within 3-6 months, she will start to change. Maybe she's changing. What can i do? I'll just have to bear with her. Its heartbreak seeing her treating me like this. it's like she's pushing me away..I don't know how long i can stand, i don't want us to angry or being upset towards each other because of what? i also don't know! Reasons??

I know i love her alot. But i just don't know how to tell her or convince her on this? maybe i'm not good enough for her. I knew it's too good to be true.

two person once a couple but bumped into them with each other couples!

16th Feb 2010

Now I'm at baby's cousin house in Alam Damai. Before that Krys a.k.a my slut came and find me and we went to Tmn Mutiara Station One for a drink or two along with Mable (slut's pup). Was enjoying the time alot.. Then later, while i was playing FB, suddenly, i looked around, i notice someone very familiar.. and who?? It was sting and susan. It was surprised for me to bumped into them even in cheras. I thought that they won't come to cheras. Cos' both of them now staying in Sunway. Weird for them to come all the way down here for a drink with Pei San and also her GF. I don't think that they saw me anyways.

I called baby and ask her to tag along with us for a drink cos i missed her alot. then she was at alam damai. then she came to meet me around 15 mins. i felt very happy to see her though... =]

After a short while, my slut wanted to head home to fetch her mum. So paid the bill then later we head back to alam damai, while driving through to the Tmn Midah round about, another surprised! bumped into elcey and snowy was driving next to us, elcey was driving like a mad cow.. Haha...!! in one day and around the same time, i saw two person once a couple at the same time and it felt very weird to me... hahahhahaa... anyways, happy holidays y'all

new year new life....

it's been long time i did not update my lil' old blog of mine... I'm not really a blogger cause' i those classic type whereby i still keep my old diary and time to time i do write. Alright let's start from last year's last month of the year 2009. I was still in a mess that time, with T. But anyways, got to know few new friends through Josephine, was Michelle Lim and Evelyn( the girl I actually mentioned 'bout on my previous blog.) Anyways, I also missed out this one little woman that I did not mentioned. =]

Her name is Nikie. We knew each other practically from Michelle, because it was her that brought out Nikie on one fine day outing in Aloha together with Evelyn. So that's how we met and knew each other. Nothing much happened on that day as that time I had feelings towards Eve.(as in good impression.) So, we hanged out that day, it was fun. Later on, I've added Nikie through Facebook, and then one fine day i saw her online through FB chat, so i just clicked on her name and just trying to have a little chit chat with her. My first impression on her was, very outgoing and sporting type of person. Nothing more.. In fact, she scares me a little. The way she bring herself in the club. =P

Okie, then after the first outing with them, i manage to get nikie's msn as well as her phone number. So, the following week if I'm not mistaken, I was sitting at Station One, alone surfing the net, suddenly my phone rang. To be surprised, it was Nikie that called me. I answered the call and she asked me to head to TC to join them for drinking session. I told her that I do not want to head down to KL as I'm actually a little bit lazy driving all the way downtown just for a drink or two, but Nikie insist me to tag along, as always, i gave in. So i head back to home get dressed and head to town. Met them, had a drink or two, that time I wanted to head there to see Eve. But eventually, Nikie and I talked more than Eve and I. Strange huh? Tell about it...

I do not want to go into details about what happened on that night, but me and Nikie clicked right away that night( as in we can actually talk to each other about anything at all)

The following day, we actually sms-ed each other for the whole day. Don't ask me how or why, it just happened. We basically chat bout general stuffs, but i like sms-ing with her.. =P

So on Xmas eve, i've no place to head to, then Amanda asked me out for a drink at Station One. So we went there and some little chatting, then my slut called me up and ask me to meet her up at OUG. I told Amanda that i want to head there. We went our own way, and reached OUG and going to spent my time with my slut, her hubby and her family. When it's 12 am sharp, I don't know why, i called up Nikie, and wished her Merry Christmas. To my surprise, I was able to call her and actually able to call in to her number, cause normally,in festive season, NORMALLY you are freaking hard to call or even sms someone cause everyone will be doing the same thing at the same time. So consider lucky i can actually, can called her up and wish her. =]

Xmas day,

T bought me a perfume, Burberry Brit, and i bought her Chanel. I was still jiwang over her that time, so i asked her whether she got any plans, and as i know she did had plans later on, so basically, I'm free for the whole nite. I saw Nikie was online in msn, so , we chatted and out of sudden, she said she wanted to go for a movie. I said since i'm free, why dun we go together, i was jokingly telling her, but to be surprised, she said okay. So, after work, i went to Cineleisure to meet her up. The scenario was a bit awkward, cause this is the first time we go out without Mich and also Eve along. I was a little bit afraid of her anyways, so we headed here and there for simple window shopping while waiting for the time for our movie starts.

So that was our first outing. That time, i was feeling a strange feelings but i don't really bother about that feelings cause, i still have something with T where i haven't let go of her yet. So, after that outing, i got one whole week off , Denise asked me to join her to Penang for working. So i did.
When i was on the way to Penang, Amanda called so does Nikie. Basically both this women was sms-ing and calling me. Well it keeps me busy anyways. So when i was in Penang, all i thought of the get some biscuits and again i do not know why, i wanted to get something for Nikie. I told her that over the phone.

On 31st Dec 09,

I gave myself deadline for T, i told myself that i really cannot go on hanging to will never come back to me.

New Year Begins, 010110

So after 4 days tiring in Penang, was on the way back, Nikie actually asked me to accompany her to go for a massage. FULL body massage. I'm not a fan of massage, but eventually YET again i gave in and agree to go with her. So while we were heading home, Denise actually say wanted to go for massage then for a drink with her god -"mother" at EL GEE. So the very first thing i sms Nikie asking she wanted to join or not. She agreed, so after i've done my massage (leg) then we head to EL GEE. Denise brought out a new friend, name Joeann. While waiting for Nikie actually, my heart was beating fast as i feel like wanted to meet her soon. Finally, she arrived. So we drank beer and play stuffs, then there's a section whereby Denise actually dare me and Nikie to kissed eat other. Both of us say NO at first, and Nikie did dare back Denise to french with a GUY. And she DID! So denise ask her to French with me, i was being forced to the corner, and i have no choice to french with her. (that time i was a little bit blur and tipsy already) The kissed did not lasted long. She retrieved. Reason, Do not know.

Then Denise asked Joeann to choose among three of us to french, i was standing beside joeann, Jo was thinking and out of SUDDEN!, She frenched with me~! surprising!!!! And after we french, she practically all over me. And i just act dumb. Nikie was suppose to fetch me home, but in the end i told her that Denise will fetch me home instead.Joeann kept on sticking to me. I do not know why she's acting like that.

Anyways, the very next day Nikie and I went to BODY massage. After massage, we head for movies. Later after movies we head to sanctuary for a drink, she Disturb me cos' i told her i don't really dance.

Long story cut short, we done quite some outings together, and eventually we had some feelings towards each other and she actually confessed to me that she likes me. We went from probation period until there's one day we actually argued and we both wanted to be together but both of us are afraid. But on the 6th of Feb 2010, we eventually opened up everything and now we're officially together.

Up to date, we're okay so far so good. She bought me a watch where i actually so happy cos' she bought me something that i needed.

Nikie baby, i heart you~!!

what are you thinking???

it's been one week you entered my company. okay , here's the thing..

Day 01

Me : working night shift.
You : first day report to work, in the afternoon. you sms-ed me telling me you finally here. keep on saying your desk there is very cold as the air-con was directly on top of you.
Me : end up came to work at 4pm , purpose, to see you, truth, and to give you my jacket.
You : suprised to see me and happy to see me.
Me : same thing. =]

Day 02

Me : working night again.
You : this time you called me everytime you break,lunch time u sms-ed me. Non-stop. asked me to come early to work.
Me : again i came to work around 6.
Us : head to makan at station one.. your treat.. haha

Day 03

Me : Off day
You : sms-ed me again
Me : replied your sms
You : off work around 6pm, then i called you to ask how is things, you mentioned that you're having dinner with your boyfriend, and you told me after heading home you want to find me. i said why, you answered just because you wanna see me. i agreed since you said you come to my house.
Us : ate dinner together, and unfortunately, you said you need to go home precisely 10.45pm. and then he called exactly that time.
Me : i felt that you like taking up the time with me as your boyfriend went to gym. dissapointed

Day 04

Me : Off day, but will have dinner with chevron's colleague together with my team lead
You : sms-ed me as usual, again.
Me : Came to office, fetch lita and joanne to seri kembangan for McD and met Karl and Hazarul in Mcd and also Shirley.
You : no respond after work, until around 8 something u sms-ed me saying that i never replied your sms (that is because my phone was barred)
Me : after dinner, evelyn called me and asked me to accompany her to drink, after Mcd session sent lita and joanne home, i top up my prepaid number and called you, but in the same time evelyn called my postpaid number, asked you to hold on, while i chat with evelyn on the other phone, then i accidently hanged up your call.
You : didn't call back.
Me : after talking with evelyn, decided to go second round with her.called you back, and you didn't picked up.
You : called me back after you saw my missed calls. then you were not in a very good tone with me
Me : asked u why ? you said i hang up your call because to talk with evelyn, and you angry of me because of this. sigh..

Day 05

You : sms me saying that you will go out with shirley they all to seri kembangan for lunch
Shirley : sms me also to tell me the same thing
Me : replied both you guys okie.. go ahead
You : kept on sms-ing me.
Me : same
You : sms-ed me when you reached home.
Me : called you around 6 something, you were sleeping
You : sms me back at 7 something, apologizing to me that you were asleep and didn't chat with me.
Me : replied it was okay.
You : kept on sms-ing me while you're having a gathering with your ex-colleagues. and you mention to me asking me to go breakfast with you tomorrow morning after my work
Me : same, reply your sms
You : until around 12 something, you called me, and said "suprise!! i call you to chat with you."
Me : really suprised why you do so.. that is SO not you.
You : your voice sounds very very tired,but refuse to hang up the call
Me : begged you to go sleep.
You : repeat, tomorrow breakfast with me okay?
Me : agreed..

So what the hell is going on again!?!
the story is more complicated that i thought.this is only the part of it.

window shopping

wah.. these two days are really tiring... went out for two straight days! shopping.. me and Mich went to shopping on friday and then on sat went to shop again... but window shopping with "her" wasn't that nice.. i went to shop with her and i chosed alot of clothes for her... and jeans too.. sigh i fail again... too bad..but i manage to see eve after shopping.. "she" didn't want to accompany me to see eve i dunno why.. but at last she followed me to meet her though.. hahaa.... well... i'm happy to see eve... hehhee.... thursday nite went to aloha.. OMg.. seriously, first time i kissed eve on the lips... it was weird but ... i was damn shy... the next day and coming days.. i think i have to forget wat happen that day.. geez!

fact

fact is i don't understand why friends can betray you in a snap of a finger. just like that! it's like they treat you good when they want to and when they know someone else, they ignore you. this happens to me with one of my good friend. all the while, my character is, where i treat each and every friend with all my heart. i don't mind their background, what past they had and such.

how we got to know each other? well in short, her ex and my ex eventually got together and that's how we met.we're like brothers, family.but recently,when i broke up with my recent ex, my ex kept in touch with my friend, and that time my friend do have a gf which went to Switzerland for studies. then after a month or so, her gf from Switzerland called me, and ask me is her gf attach with my current ex, then i said i don't know and i ask her why she said so, then she told me that my friend called her up and ask for a break up and the excuse my friend gave her is that she does not have extra time for her, everytime busy with her studies and activities in school. Sounds abit irrational rite? then they broke up as the gf also having the time of her life in overseas.

then, my friend started to distance me. why i say so? cause last time our relationship can go up to the level where she called me up everyday and chat with me, i know it's because of her gf is not in town, so she needs a companion. we meet up times to times either she head down to cheras or i head to kepong to find her for drinks and chit chat. then for the past month, she rarely called, nor sms. when i sms her, she didn't reply, call her sometimes, she will said she is busy.

until recently, her ex from Switz,(actually me and her ex also can consider as friends,cause we used to hang out together) called me up middle of the night and ask me, "you know S and S are together?" i was in a blurrish situation, so i said why you said like that? then she told me that my ex load pics in facebook with my friend where they went to sarawak trip together(where my ex is a sarawakian) then i was stonned a while. i was totally awake that time, i said to my Switz friend, i seriously don't know whether they're together or not, but if they're, i don't mind though as both parties are singles. deep down i feel abit uneasy. that is of course no matter you love that person much or less, still you will feel disturb when your ex close with your friend esp close one, no?

So the summary is, i don't know whether my friend ignores me cause she is, THE FACT she is involved with my ex, or my ex bad mouthing me, or my ex brain-washed her, to distance me. it really breaks my heart to see a friend treating me like this where i lost another friend. i hate the fact that friends argue and hated each other. this only happens to those friends that i get to know outside from school. as for my high school friends, there's only one person that betrays me and we sorta argued and since then, we did not talk to each other. i really miss the time when everything is used to be, but what had past, let it be past. there's nothing much me or you can do unless friends really think that the friendship is worth to last,which i think it should be,but i've tried and she's the one that distance me, i've already done my part and now is her time to do her part correct? let's just wait.

you're coming in?

why on earth you're coming in btw.??
meaning if you come in, then i need to face you all the time?
i don't think i can handle it though...
sorry ... if you come in.. then i'll leave...